Facing Betrayal
by Psychsie
Summary: Sam is at the brink of a complete breakdown, both physically and mentally, all the while Dean hopelessly watches his little brother suffer. But a strange dream and a knock on the door will bring Dean a helluva lot more to deal with. But it should be something Team Free Will can handle. It should be.
1. Family First

'Dean, come on, the witch isn't gonna kill itself.'

Sam put the bed side lamp on, invading Dean's blissful darkness behind his eye lids, and started to pack up. The kid was already dressed. Oh how Dean longed for those short hours of sleep. His body ached, his muscles worn and torn. Even though Sam objected to it, Dean was making more and more of an effort in taking the most stressful parts of the job; being the first in, the last out, the killings. He knew it wouldn't change anything, but doing so helped Dean to cope, even if it was only a little bit. Ever since that day, Sam has been regressing further and further into his memories of the pit.

With the memories being too much of a burden to bare, Sam quit sleeping, when they were most likely to pop up.

Yeah, Dean could relate.

Sam used to mutter in his sleep, Dean noticed. The cries, the names; Dean, Bobby, Dad, Jess, even Ruby popped up sometimes, then Sam would use those names to cry for help, help against the names that were called out, as Dean recognised, with outright fear; Lucifer, Michael, Azazel , and although Sam never mentioned it, Dean knew he feared the one that caused this unnecessary suffering.

He could tell by the way Sam whispered his name before jolting awake.

**...**

'Sam, would ya slow down, you're acting like a little kid hyped up on candy.'

Well, it was true. Sam was literally hopping to the Impala. Actually, Sam said hopping. Dean went more along the lines of skipping which Sam totally objected to. Still didn't quit doing it though.

Dean ruggedly trotted behind Sam who was eager to get out and hunt. Sam missed this, the only time when he can get out his frustrations without Dean looking so worried. This hunt seemed easy enough; a wannabe legendary witch reaching out of its league, using black magic to reach its goal.  
The Winchesters have other ideas.

'Well, just hurry up, or are your old legs holding you back, Dean?' Sam teased, hearing a whispered 'bitch' behind him.

Dean was holding the bag with the witch killing equipment, plus a few snacks, because of course, Sam was travelling with Dean and Dean wasn't about to get into his baby without the security of knowing food wasn't all that far away. Opening the Impala door, Sam shuffled himself into his designated seat, trying to remember the last case they went on without this constant weight in his mind, when a low chuckle seeped behind him.

_'It's never going to change Sam. It's always going to be me and you, all alone up in there.'_

He could feel a slight tapping on his head. He jerked away, hoping to rid himself of the vile feeling but there was still the lingering burn that he always felt in Lucifer's presence.

'Hey Sammy, you alright?'

Sam glanced over at his older brother, silently surprised by the forgotten presence. Typically, the only emotion residing on his face was worry.

_Not the same Dean._

_Not the same Dean._

Not the same Dean who watched gleefully as his pet angel and Lucifer tore at his throat and mind, urging them on.

'Hey Sammy, we can always get Bobby to call some friends to check up on this if you're not up for it'.

He looked at Sam with that warm and strong smile.

_Not the same Dean._

**...**

They ended up not taking the case. After half a dozen flip outs from Sam violently whispering 'Shut up' to the back seat and nearly getting out of the car while still speeding at 60 mph, Dean had enough and was determined to put his brother first before anything else. It was the least he deserved after the crap Dean had put him through. So he pulled the steering wheel and headed back to their very temporary home. The heavy weight in Dean's chest only grew heavier as he glanced over at his younger brother but the sudden disappointment in Sam's eyes was not enough to sway Dean from his decision. Sam was going to rest, whether he liked it or not.

As the door unlocked and annoyingly creaked open, the brothers wordlessly split into separate rooms. Sam sulked into the bedroom and Dean marched himself into the kitchen. Neither brother went to flick on any lights, the atmosphere matching their moods and possibly their life. Gloomy and shit. Dean thought the cheap motel room looked like crap in the light, with stains on the walls and crap still left in the freezer but they were low on money so they couldn't exactly get up and leave. In the dark, the streetlights highlighted the fact that there was garbage everywhere from bins to an abandoned and rusty truck.

Dean sat on the plastic chair, the leg cracked and looking like to was about to break. Unstable. Just like the Winchesters. From where Dean was slouching in the kitchen, he could see Sam collapsed on the bed out of exhaustion through the crack of the door. It wouldn't be long though.

After a few beers and a few episodes of Dr. Sexy, Dean clumsily attempted to get into bed. Instead, he fell onto it on his side, legs drooping from the side. It was almost guaranteed that the snort-like snoring could be heard from down the street.

...

It was the same dream.

Lucifer on one side, Michael on the other. Both smiling gleefully at their meat bag, a way of entertainment. Red, red, red all around him. Sometimes Sam liked to think he was just closing his eyes from a bright light. That made it easier for the trapped Winchester, except for when the black clouds came. Sam could just make out the clouds of sins, that's what Michael called them, banging themselves against the sides of the Cage, desperate to free their unmerciful master. But Sam knew that they were never getting in. Just like Sam knew he was never getting out.

Sam could already feel his soul dimming, his hope of ever getting out diminishing. They stripped a piece of skin off Sam's restrained arm, one at a time, piece by piece. From his shoulder to his wrist. Sam tried his best to hold back the forceful screams and pleas but the hell fire burning sensations which spread like wild fire down his arm was too much. It fed into his soul. He could handle the nails wrenched from his fingers and toes. He could handle the broken legs and arms and the constant drowning sensation but all of the above was associated with a burning so fierce it felt like Sam's limbs were going black, were dropping off, numb.

There was another thing.

The movement of tan and leather caught Sam's attention from the burning, the intense aching and the gleeful laughing from Lucifer. And what Sam saw made his stomach churn and if he could still scream he would yell blindly to the parasite standing beside his brother. The angel.

Castiel was standing shoulder to shoulder beside Dean, whispering into his ear words that Sam couldn't make out but Castiel's grin only grew wider when Dean responded with an empty laugh. Two pairs of soulless eyes glanced their way to the weary and defeated Winchester on the rack. One pair a cold blue, the other a stainless black.

Dean looked to Castiel expectantly, waiting for the order. Sam watched as Castiel briefly glanced at him, eyes glistening with excitement, before he gave a curt nod towards Dean, allowing him to make his move.

It was all clear to Sam now. Castiel was parasite, a disease, infecting and persuading Dean into taking the path that Sam not so long ago chose to walk off of. Demon Highway. But it was too late, Sam was in hell and his brother, destroyed. Demon Dean was making his way to Sam with a cruel and knowing grin painted on his face. Castiel not too far away, still whispering to Dean what he should do to his little brother. The two archangels dispersed from their positions, leaving enough space for Dean to do his work.

Dean leant right into Sam's face, gripping his blood matted hair and whispered;

'Y'know, I've learnt from the best down here, Sammy. It took a bit of time and persuasion,' Dean glanced towards the three angels then carefully examined a huge, jagged edged clip point blade, ' but I get it now Sammy. I get it,' Dean's empty eyes latched onto Sam's and growled, 'and I really can't wait to show you.'

Dean raised his knife.

Sam screamed hoarsely.

The angels laughed.

**...**

'SAM!'

'Sam come on man, snap out of it!'

'Dammit Sam! Please!'

Dean was panicking.

Sam was on the floor, shaking like hell. His eyes were wide with unconscious fear, bloodshot. Dean has never seen someone go through a fit before and he was sure as hell that he never wanted to see it again. This was the one thing Dean hated feeling.

Helpless.

Especially for his brother.

Sam continued to helplessly suffer through the continuous convulsions, small whimpers showing distress. So Dean sat next to Sam, who was lying on the bed thanks to Dean instead of the cold wooden floor of the motel, waiting for the convulsions to settle down. He rested a shaking hand onto his little's brother's sweaty and boiling forehead, shushing him in comfort. He knew all he could do now was this.

That was another thing Dean hated.

Waiting.

He hoped Sammy knew he was right there next to him.

He didn't like the small groans escaping his brother's lips either as he was hopelessly thrown across the bed without any control over himself.

It was because of that damn wall breaking.

It was all because of _him_.

Dean held back a frustrated growl and groaned, putting his head between his hands, and resting on his knees. It was only yesterday Sam was jumping up and down like a little girl seeing her first pony. And now he was resorted to this. His health was deteriorating so fast that Dean couldn't keep up.

It scared the hell out of him.

**...**

Sam didn't get up from bed that day. Dean assumed it was because of the mental wall breaking and the seizure, but something didn't seem right.

Sammy was quiet.

There was no usual mumblings of his constant reminders that he's out of the cage, that Lucifer cannot harm him. Instead Sam just stared at the ceiling, blinking so slowly that Dean thought each time Sam had fallen asleep, only to have them open again and the awkwardness return to the room. Dean busied himself with research. He didn't want Sam stressing himself out even more.

He made Sam dinner, well, he bought Sam dinner. He liked Chicken salad, didn't he? This left Dean confused to the fact that Sam just laid on his back without a glance towards his usual healthy food choice. Dean hoped that finally Sammy had developed a craving for the more awesome, meatier choice of a hamburger and fries but knew it was a lost cause.

_He was always stubborn._

_But he was never like this._

The last though sent a shiver through Dean and left a suffocating weight in his chest.

If he didn't eat his salad, he was going to force it down him. For the past few weeks Sam was hardly eating. It was becoming too noticeable; the sharp ribs, the shallow breaths. He wouldn't explain why but his silence only left Dean feeling uneasy. No, it left Dean feeling downright sick.

Yeah, Dean could fix a deep gash on the arm, broken bones if they're not completely snapped. He could even help fix an addiction or help get through guilt. But he couldn't do this. Anything but this. Sam wasn't only hurting himself, he was torturing Dean. That's why Dean did the sacrificing, yelling at Sam if he tried to take the role as the protective brother. Where Sam was standing, taking in all the crap. That, that's where Dean should be. Not Sammy.

God, Dean needed to kill something.

But for now, all Dean could do was sit tight and make sure neither he nor Sammy won't do anything they'll both regret.


	2. The Dream

Dean was fed up with the attitude and the lying around all day, just waiting for something typical to happen. He already drank four beers, the numbing sensation already spreading to his mind. The boredom was suffocating. The silence was deafening. Dean assumed Sam was struggling to occupy himself on his bed, where he was lying on his side on top of the very plain blue blankets. Dean was pretty sure he could hear sighing and he noticed his little brother fidgeting with his feet. Yep, they were both bored stiff.

_Well tough_.

Dean didn't care. There was no way in hell he was going to let his little brother go out hunting in his condition. He couldn't risk it. He couldn't lose Sam again. Instead Dean thought they could do some research on how to fix Sam, build up that wall again. The thought of the wall that once kept Sam sane left a dull ache in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't think about that.

_Focus on Sammy_.

Sam did look bored like hell though. Maybe getting his mind off things will do him some good, give him some normalcy.

'Hey Sammy.'

Dean shuffled in his chair, seemingly uncomfortable calling to his brother when they have had so little social contact within the last couple of days. He hates days like these.

Sam didn't even budge. So Dean tried again, hoping that his brother would take the bait to get up and do something. To actually have the chance to have a normal day with his brother.

'You mind heading down to the store and grabbing some beers and stuff. I'm getting real close with this research Sammy and you, you look like you need to stretch those mammoth legs of yours,' Dean teased but was let down as he received no response from the silent bundle of hair and muscle.

Dean let out a defeated sigh and turned to face the TV once more, hoping that maybe even a repeat of Dr. Sexy might be on. Dean would literally take anything right now as long as he was diverted away from his thoughts.

He didn't want to admit it, but Dean jumped slightly in his chair, beer bottle spilling the last few drops onto the dusted carpet as he heard a shuffle. He was even further surprised to find out that it was his vacant brother walking towards the end of the bed and picking up his tattered shoes. It was the most he had heard of Sam from the past three days. Strange, Sam would usually moan but then again, Sam wasn't in his usual mood. It didn't help that Sam slowly pulled his feet along to the door and mumbled a goodbye without so much as a glance towards Dean. After a few moments of silence Dean, not surprised as he finally started to relax, resumed his research. The fact that Sam didn't make a snide joke or moan about the sudden demand of labour left Dean with a large lump in his throat.

He doesn't know how to fix this.

**...**

Sam wasn't back yet and Dean was kind of hoping that Sam remembered the pie. Dean knows he never mentioned any pie but Sam always knew. He usually never forgets but he's not his usual self. Dean just really needs his pie right now. It's the only thing that keeps him going, the only thing that hasn't let the hunter down. Dean was still on the laptop, looking at the myths of hell, and the torture that took place there. He knew nearly every method because of course, he was taught from the best, and by best Dean means the worst, but he had no idea how Sammy was treated in that cage. The cage with heaven's most mightiest, craziest and pissed off weapons. He didn't understand how Sam survived let alone not already having gone absolutely insane. Dean buried his fingers into his temple, trying to forcefully dig out any ideas on how to solve this problem. Another problem.

A flash.

Blue and luminous and slightly familiar and Dean found that he was no longer sitting at the crappy desk in the crappy hotel room in a crappy town. As his eyes readjusted to the dimly lit room, he recognised where he was seated. His old room. His _very_ old room. The room in where he used to call home.

_No_. _Not now. _

_Not this dream, anything but this dream._

Dean forcefully shook his head, wishing and hoping that it was enough to escape this nightmare. He couldn't see the devil's colour infesting his home in intensely bright colours again, taking Sammy's future and his mum with it. But something was different, something felt off, not right. Dean couldn't put his finger on it but he didn't feel the uneasiness and nauseousness he usually felt when in this dream. He sat up from his miniature bed, suddenly remembering when his mother tucked him into his bed and singing Hey Jude so softly that it sent him gently to sleep. Dean also remembered his mother telling him angels were watching over him. Boy was that irony. Dropping some teddy bears as he swung his legs over his former bed, Dean noticed that there were no pictures of his family, nor were there any personal items in his room, apart from Timfell. HIs favourite toy as a kid, which was placed on the rocking chair and Dean couldn't shake the feeling of staring from the purple eyed bear. Shrugging the strange room off, Dean cautiously walked into the hall. He wasn't aware of a crumpled figure in the darkest corner, throat torn from making a sound.

It was cold, which was strange as Mary always made sure her babies were 'toasty warm'. She hated it if Dean was trapped in bed or Sammy was crying heavily due to a fever. So keeping warm and hot chocolates every night kept the bugs away. Dean smiled genuinely at the memory.

The hall seemed longer than he remembered, the dark shadows hiding the corners and doors, making it seem as though Dean was walking in a endless tunnel. Just like in hell. In fact, Dean had been walking for about five minutes and he still hadn't reached the double glazed windows, with the frame of his parents and himself settled on the windowsill. Did he pass Mum and Dad's room? Did he pass Sammy's room?...Was Azazel still there? The last thought brought a surge of anger and an impulse to kill something. He could still save his family, their entire future rewritten. But then he was regrettably reminded that this wasn't real. He was useless here.

He was pulled brutally from his thoughts by a sudden thud. Spinning around, and pretending that he didn't jump, Dean vaguely made out a dark figure resting against the wall not twelve feet away from him. Dean's hand immediately grazed over his jacket pocket which laid his life saving knife.

'Who are you?' Dean demanded thought his wavering voice betrayed his attempt to stay unfazed and focused. There was no reply. Maybe the figure didn't catch what Dean said.

'What the hell do you want?' Better.

Still no reply, just the heavy panting echoing down the hall. Wait. Dean strained further to focus clearly on the trembling sound. That's when Dean heard clearly. It wasn't panting, Dean realised. No, it was whispering. Desperate.

'Dean' over and over again as if stuck on repeat, leaving Dean on edge and wanting to haul ass out of there.

Instead, he squinted, trying to catch a glimpse of the mysterious and frickin freaky caller but it was hopeless. It was too dark, the shadows deceivingly cloaking the figure. But that gruff voice sounded all too like someone Dean was trying so desperately to forget. That he needed out of both his and Sam's lives.

The lights suddenly started to flicker on, revealing the man with the tan trench coat. The trench coat which was currently in Dean's boot. Yeah, he didn't want to forget at all.

'Cas?' Dean's voice broke as it escaped his throat, disbelief and fear evident in his voice. No, it couldn't be.

_It is a dream. _

_It is a dream. _

_It is a dream. _

But that didn't stop Dean from calling out again and taking a few steps towards the angel. 'Cas?'

The angel hadn't stopped calling out the hunter's name but Dean's last attempt at communication caused him to at last reach the hunter's gaze. Dean couldn't believe what he saw. It _was_ Castiel. The worry, stubbornness and naivety were all there in his gaze, like nothing has changed, but Dean caught onto the tiredness. He then realised why Castiel was leaning against the wall. He was bleeding, not the black ooze which was once seeping out of him the last they shared disturbed words but a rich crimson that was leaking from his mouth and chest. He was gasping for breath.

'Dean. Y-you...You,' He gasped again, appearing to have giving up. Instead, he looked up at the confused and worried hunter. Dean was about to raise hell about what had happened when what he saw made his blood run even more cold. Castiel's eyes had grown wide, his hand reaching for Dean's grip. Castiel was only able to let out a desperate 'Run,' before fear overwhelmed his voice, only raw screams allowed to escape Castiel, as he appeared not being able to form words to warn Dean.

Dean suddenly felt an unwanted presence creep up behind him. Focusing on Castiel, he saw the angel leaning further and further against the wall, his body getting heavier and heavier out of exhaustion and the lack of blood. Angels weren't supposed to weaken, they weren't supposed to collapse onto the floor but his wide eyes never left Dean's, his hand still reached out in urgency. He was still trying to help his former friend. Knowing Castiel would have disapproved in doing so, Dean held his breath and turned to face the reason for Castiel's unusual terrified and enfeebled state.

Dean's smirk fell and the hunter automatically took multiple steps back.

'Hello Dean. It's been a while.'


	3. Fighting Blind

'N-n-no. You can't...' Dean took a few more steps back in realisation and was left to stutter on his own words, eventually choking on shock. Rapid thoughts flashed through his head, so fast he was losing the ability to actually fricking think.

_It's impossible._

_This isn't a dream. _

_It's a damn nightmare. _

But the man just a few feet away from him handed Dean that mindless smile he gave the hunter a few months ago, and laughed that cold, vacant laugh. His shoulders drooped forward, out of exhaustion or due to the straining of his body, Dean didn't know. But he knew this for certain.

There were two of them.

One behind, one in front.

One gasping, one laughing.

One red, one black.

Jimmy's body was once again drenched in black ooze, tie undone, trench coat torn to shreds.

_This isn't how Castiel is supposed to look._

He risked a glance back to his old friend. Castiel was barely holding on, putting his whole weight onto the wall for full support. Dean had never seen him look so weak. It was unsettling. What was even more so was the fact that Dean had to help the celestial being from a thousand year old monster occupying the exact same body.

Yeah, Dean's life was messed up.

So much so that he would end up dreaming _this_.

This would be about the time that his dad would tell him that there was only one way out of this as he found Cas slouching on the floor, finally giving up on all his strength. But he stayed put.

Well, come on, since when did Dean listen to anyone anymore?

'What the hell did you do to him?' Dean said through gritted teeth, forgetting altogether that this was a nightmare.

He had to remind himself that this was the being who sold out Sam and himself, left them mid crisis and died.

But this was a nightmare anyway.

So why did he care?

He didn't want anything to do with the so-called 'angel'. But looking back at Cas now, there was something that desperately roared within Dean as he took notice of the familiar passed out angel lying lifelessly on the floor, while the Leviathan laughed ruthlessly. The exact same laugh as before.

'Oh Dean, oh Dean, oh Dean. Why must you always get involved?' He looked up using Jimmy's eyes and let out a long sigh. 'We were just teaching this pathetic excuse of an angel to mind his own business. He was getting too comfortable getting in our way. He must have learnt it from you' The Leviathan once again used Jimmy's eyes to glare at the hunter, taking a few threatening steps forward. At that moment, Dean could hear the angel behind him groan faintly.

Dean was pissed.

'You stay the hell away from us,' he warned as he reached for his gun. The monster chuckled, shoulders moving up and down in utter zest.

'What will you do Dean? You can't even protect your own brother,' the Leviathan challenged, seemingly finding Dean's lack of defence unusually amusing. Dean flinched at the insult.

_That's enough._

'You know what Lev? You can just crawl back from where yo-' He went to grab the hidden gun that was held by his belt, knowing that he had a small chance of getting both him and Cas out of this alive. He hoped that it was enough but was soon let down, his face falling. It wasn't there. Where the hell was it? He always had it there. The monster inhabiting the other Jimmy's body laughed, eyes manic with eagerness. God knows what for.

_He's like a fucking Hyena_.

The Leviathan stalked forward, staring intensely at the hunter who reflected his gaze, watching his every step. It was like a fucking showdown. Hell, it was a showdown and Dean didn't like the odds.

'You do realise that Cassie here has put us in, well, hm, a sort of dream state,' he said in a gleeful tone, his eyes not matching his calm stature. 'But due to this...ant's weakness, Dean,' he smirked at Dean, eyes glistening knowingly, looking strangely out of place on the man's usually stoic face. The Leviathan seemed as though he couldn't contain himself as he breathed, 'Neither of you are in charge.'

The Leviathan leapt forward, a growl escaping his lips. Dean jumped back, and with no weapon to defend himself, braced for the violent impact. But a flash of red and tan left Dean finding that it never came. Dean only heard silent before he risked taking a look at the outcome. Nothing. He glanced back to face Castiel but he wasn't there. The only sign of his presence was a pool of blood, painted on the wall and resting in a pool on the carpet. They were both gone.

The lights flickered out.

'Cas!' Dean called, cursing himself that he couldn't see a damn thing. He called for the angel again. Nothing.

_Crap_.

A scream echoed down the hall, sounding all too familiar.

'Cas!'

Dean rushed down the never-ending hall, heavy breaths proving his exhaustion and fear. He was nearly out of breath, his heart beat pulsing loud in his ears when he approached two dark figures.

_Where the hell are all the lights?_

A huge thud and a low groan pulled Dean away from his thoughts. Dean paused where he stood and squinted his eyes into the darkness, hoping he'll catch something in sight. He vaguely made out the Leviathan pushing Castiel against the wall, the angel's limbs hanging weakly. It was difficult to tell them apart, the only difference was the colour of blood or ooze pouring out of them. As he cautiously crept towards the pair, Dean heard their whispered confrontation.

'You won't-,' Castiel screamed in pure agony as the Leviathan dug his fingers further into the angel's chest wound, causing a richer red blood to seep from beneath the angel's shirt, 'You won't win, you abom-abomin-' Castiel had to stop to gasp a breath, only just managed to loosen the Leviathan's grip to gasp out his sentence.

'Abomination?' The Leviathan drew his mouth into a sneer and snuck closer to Castiel's ear, 'You should look in the mirror. Even tweedle Dum and tweedle Dee no longer see you as the good, obedient, little angel you once were. _You're_ an abomination. A pathetic excuse for one at that. You're no better than us.' The Leviathan spat the last word, waiting the words to seep into Castiel and causing him to shudder. Dean could see Castiel gulp, looking away from his attacker in shame.

Dean really wished he had his gun.

'That may be' The gravelly yet withdrawn voice caught Dean's attention, keeping his eyes on Castiel. 'But you still won't win. Dean has gone. You cannot get to him.' The Leviathan, shock residing on his face, growled in fury. And what Dean saw shocked him just as much.

Castiel laughed. It was low and humourless but none the less, it wasn't something Dean expected coming from the angel.

_Maybe he's still crazy._

The Leviathan looked at his, Jimmy's, feet, still holding the angel, his left hand shaking with utter rage, 'You're always in the way Castiel, even for all that time we were in _there._' He tapped on Castiel's head heavily, 'you wouldn't stop screaming, begging so hopelessly to stop us,' The monster brought his face right in front of Castiel's, a strange look in his eyes, 'You're weak,'

Shocked, Dean's eyes flickered to his friend. All this time, it wasn't _all_ Castiel that was causing their grief, stress and fear. The Leviathan's grip tightened around Castiel's neck, causing the angel to struggle for air while actual panic sparked in his eyes, ' And we do _not_ like problems we cannot solve.'

The Leviathan brought his hand to Castiel's forehead, an all too familiar motion taken from his friend.

_But Leviathan's can't spite, can they?_

The monster in Jimmy started to mumble something repeatedly in Enochian. Well, what Dean thought was Enochian. The chant forced Castiel's eyes and mouth to glow a gradually brighter blue at every single Enochian word. Castiel even screamed his natural scream. This only disturbed Dean as the realisation hit him hard how strong these Leviathans were. They could hurt an angel without a weapon. They could kill a celestial being with hardly any effort. It was all too familiar to Alistair trying to kick Cas back upstairs apart from the fact that the Leviathan's eyes emitted a black shineless light, almost as though clashing, fighting against Castiel's. It was then that Dean heard it. The whispers. Although it was soft and jumbled, Dean could make out two voices.

One was venomous, calling threats to whoever was listening.

The other was panicky, concerned yet gentle and repeatedly telling Dean to run. That could only be one person.

The gentle voice was getting softer, the other getting too loud.

That could only mean one thing.

Dean needed to do something _now_. Without thinking, the professional hunter peered out of the shadows, hoping his presence would be enough of a distraction.

'Hey dumbass!'

But the Leviathan kept up his pace while Castiel's screams were faltering and his eyes were slowly falling shut. Without so much as a thought, Dean rammed himself into the Leviathan. His head spun at the impact but he managed to pull his head up to see the damage he caused. Unbelievably, Dean found that the Leviathan didn't so much as budge from where he was standing and Dean was left on the floor, head thrumming.

Castiel was getting brighter now, hands desperately trying to un-grip the Leviathan's hands from his neck and head. The hunter could already feel the light from the angel burning his eyes slightly although the empty light from the Leviathan gave the opposite effect. Dean tried to get up and defend his friend but found a crushing pressure holding him down, leaving him only able to call out his friend's name. The Leviathan finished and leant closer to Castiel. Dean could only make out a few sneered words, too much filled with anger and pain to concentrate.

'Try protecting them now.'

Dean could only make out an evil smile from the Leviathan before a painfully bright light from Castiel overtook the three men and the entire hall.


	4. A Little Problem

Dean jolted awake on the kitchen table. He immediately held up his arms to protect himself from the ongoing brightness. After a few moments of nothingness and peeking through his arm did he realised that the only light was dim, a dusted light bulb swung above him in the kitchen. He let out a relieving breath.

_It was a dream_.

Castiel was dead. He couldn't stalk Dean in his dreams anymore.

But that didn't explain why Dean's heart still thumping and his breathing deep and fast? Only hell dreams had that effect on the hunter. Dean, hit by the sudden adrenaline and confusion and exhaustion, rested his head back on the table. The lack of sleep was getting to him.

A knock on the door caused Dean to sit upright.

_Get a hold of yourself, Dean._

It was more than likely going to be Sam. He wasn't even sure how long it's been seen Sam left. It felt to Dean like hours. He hoped not. He jumped up from his chair and made his way through the bedroom to get to the front door. Dean glanced at Sam's bed quickly but something didn't seem right. It looked weird, as though something should be there. That was when the hunter noticed his little brother's missing knife.

_What the hell?_

It suddenly clicked.

_The little bastard's gone to gank that witch bitch_.

Nose flaring and teeth gritting together, Dean grabbed his keys and yanked the door open, completely unaware of the knocking a few seconds ago. He jumped when he saw an elderly woman furiously tapping a pen away on her notepad, glaring at him through magnified glasses. If in any other situation, Dean would have been on the floor laughing, but this woman was the barricade between himself and Sammy.

'Excuse me sir, we've been receiving several complaints about the noise coming from outside your room.' Tapping more furiously now, she pointed at the lump of clothing resting on the outside pillar. It sounded like a goddamn siren going off.

'So? Who's to say the kid's mine? Look lady, I've got somewhere to be, alright?,' When she didn't budge he tried a different route, 'Look I gotta find my brother, so could you -' Dean was interrupted by a small squeal.

'Dean!'

The lump of clothes barrelled towards Dean, almost sending them both flying. The old lady passed a stern, annoyed look and walked off, whispering 'idiot' under her breath. Dean was about to whisper something loudly too when the grip on his leg tightened. He looked down to find a scruff of brown hair smuggled into his leg, white shirt engulfing the small child. Dean gently pushed the boy off his leg, having no idea what to do. He looked roughly around three years old. Dean wasn't great a guessing. The boy was breathing and shaking heavily.

'Hey kid, you alright?'

When the boy didn't reply Dean knelt down beside the shaking figure. He tried to look the small boy in the eye, but with the boy looking down at his bare feet and the kid's hair was blocking his view,he failed to get a glance. Dean went to readjust the white shirt which was exposing half the boy's chest when the boy flinched back.

'Hey, it's okay. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?'

Once he got a small nod, Dean looked outside the motel room, eyes tracking for any sign of movement. Anything that could of dropped of this kid. He found nothing.

_No one's looking for the kid_. Great.

Dean pulled his head back into the motel room, finding that the boy hadn't moved an inch. Once he shut the door, Dean had the sudden urge to start a conversation with the kid. They couldn't just wait until Sam gets back to sort this out. His brother wasn't exactly what you might say stable at the moment. So Dean decided to start out slow.

'How'd you know my name? Did someone send you?'

The boy shook his head but the rest of his body stood rigidly still.

_Must be terrified. _

He desperately wanted to leave and sort out Sam, make sure he didn't get himself in trouble but he knew he couldn't leave this kid alone without anyone.

'D-Dean?'

The boy looked up at Dean, tears threatening to fall. Dean, torn from his thoughts, immediately went to lift the boy up and gently placed him on his bed. For the first time, Dean managed to see past the mass of scruffy dark hair and see the little deep sea blue irises. They were full of panic. Little blue eyes never broke from his gaze nor did the small grip on Dean's sleeve falter.

_Those eyes..._

'Hey, yeah bud I'm Dean, hey it's okay' Dean sat down on the bed beside him, unsure on how he should comfort the boy. He seemed shook up about something. Dean couldn't blame him really, if he was just abandoned by his parents rather than a scary ass beast chasing him. God, the kid would have a mental breakdown if he saw a demon. But Dean knew he was never going to let that happen. So instead, he decided to gently get some answers.

'Hey, uh, kid' The little boy looked up, eyes still watery. 'You, um, you know who left you here?'

_Nice, Dean._

The boy shook his head but his eyes began to swell with tears once again.

'Okay, listen'

What should he do?

'Have you had anything to eat?'

_Again, nice Dean._

But when Dean did pick the boy up, he hardly weighed anything. The boy hesitated, seemingly troubled by the sudden question. There was a further pause.

'Okay, don't strain yourself.'

Dean got up from the bed and went into the kitchen. After a few minutes, Dean proudly brought out his one of a kind sandwich a few minutes later alongside a ham sandwich. It had three kinds of meat in it so yeah, Dean could have a little bit of pride. A small smile was plastered on his face at the masterpiece. But he was soon frozen in place. The kid. The kid's face was a luminous red, tear after tear falling down his cheeks and his breath constantly hitching in his throat. He stood a few steps away from Dean's bed, obviously in discomfort. The quiet calling of his name brought Dean to the child's side, the sandwiches forgotten.

'D-dean?' The boy wiped his nose with his over sized shirt, shiny eyes looking up to the hunter.

'Yeah buddy?' Dean gave a comforting smile. The boy flinched, shaking his head aggressively. He burst out in tears again, voice hitching with every breath. He mumbled something inaudible so Dean shuffled closer.

'M'sorry!' The boy cried fiercely, leaving an utterly confused Dean staring down at him. _What the hell_?

'Hey buddy, it's okay. Why are you sorry?' A pause, filled with quiet sniffling.' You're lost. Not your fault.' Dean went to comfort the kid but the boy jerked backwards fiercely and tripped over his shirt.

'No Dean.' The boy let out a frustrated, hitched cry as he regained his footing against the bed. Clearly Dean didn't understand.

'I-I-I let them found you. It's my fault,' Wide eyed, as though in disbelief or shock, the boy looked up at Dean. With a deep, unsteady breath in he whispered, 'Hurt cause of me.' The boy buried his face into the blankets on the bed. The boy mumbled something, sounding to Dean like 'Always cause of me.'

'What d'you mean? Hey, what d'you mean?' Dean was definitely freaking out. Who was hurt? His thoughts flashed to Sam, lying bleeding on the floor but no, the small boy said Dean, not anybody else. But Dean was fine, well what he classed as fine anyway. He needed the boy to answer but the kid couldn't even speak, tears racing each other down his cheeks. He hated this. This kid crying for no apparent reason but the small boy wouldn't reply. He wouldn't even look him in the eye.

The boy then continuously and unnervingly muttered 'M'sorry Dean, I'm so sowry,' under his breath as if ashamed to face Dean himself. Why the hell would a kid, let alone a stranger, want to apologise to Dean for?

A quick flash of bright light and a sharp headache split through Dean before all went still. The boy still wept on Dean's bed but the hunter was having trouble concentrating on the bundle of tears. Voices were echoing quietly in his head, full of venom and glee. The voice was all too familiar yet was completely strange.

_Abomination._

_You're weak. _

_Try protecting them now._

Then it clicked.

_No..._

'Cas?!' Dean asked quizzically and in disbelief, unsure whether he's one step closer to insanity. It was impossible. Castiel was dead, his idiocy his downfall... or was it? From past experiences, Dean had learnt that impossibility was, in fact, impossible. In his world anything could happen but, why God, why this? Of all things, he couldn't handle this, especially with Sam. _Oh God Sam._ Throw him a nest of vampires or a pack of werewolves any day. Hell, a bunch a Jefferson Starships would have been easier.

But then if it was true, then everything made sense. The dream, the Leviathan, Cas being alive. Even the boy's clothes; the oversized white shirt, blue tie hanging from his shoulder. And how'd did he not notice those blue orbs always digging into him? How didn't he see this sooner?

_Too distracted by the crying kid, I guess._

_The boy managed to crawl into Dean's bed while Dean was lost in his shocking revelation. Dean could see the boy's ears go a deep red, head and shoulders jerking from the violent yet silent cries into the pillows. _

'Cas?' Dean said in a softer tone.

The child showed no response. He just curled tightly within himself, face burrowed into the pillow. He grimaced and stepped closer to the child that Castiel was inhabiting, who had tucked into a small ball, and from what Dean could see, was shaking like hell. Ragged breaths faintly reached his ears. Dean leant closer to find Castiel, face still buried in the pillows, taking in huge breaths. The telltale sign of a kid crying desperately. A small silent cry. _Okay this isn't right._ Castiel wasn't supposed to cry, he's not supposed to show any emotions let alone cry his heart out and tug Dean's in the process.

Dean went to comfort the small... boy? when there was a click on the other side of the door.

_Shit it's Sammy._


	5. Defending the Little

Dean's mind froze.

Dean's body froze.

_Shit. Sammy's gonna have a fricking heart attack._

Dean didn't know how Sam was going to react. He himself was still trying to process what the hell had just happened. Now he has to explain it to his clearly unstable little brother who has the hates on the little person crying on Dean's bed who basically cursed him with eternal mental torture.

Yeah, good luck Dean.

Castiel was still crying on his bed, but was at least not gasping for air anymore. At least he calmed himself, just when Dean was about to panic. Dean had his hands over his eyes, squeezing them shut and thinking of a way out of this when he could no longer hear Cas crying.

'Hey Cas,' Dean said as softly as he could. It took a while but the boy angel wiped his eyes with his oversized white shirt and hesitantly and cautiously looked up at the hunter.

'You promise me something?' Dean smiled and slowly brought his hand to Cas', and was hating the way Cas tried to hide the small flinch by turning his head away and nodding softly.

'Okay, listen, Sam's about to come in and I need you to-' Dean was cut short. He had to take a staggered step back as Cas tried to wrap his small arms around Dean's waist, very tightly.

'No!' Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the obvious tears falling down his cheeks.

Dean was about to question Cas' sudden panic attack when he heard a small voice, 'Don't w-want Sam.' Tiny blue eyes reached Dean's, as if searching for something but then hid again in Dean's jumper. 'P-please Dean, he'll get m-mad.' Sniff . 'He'll yell at me a-and make me g-go away.'

How can Cas make him feel any worse?

'Look, he won't get mad as long as you stay here and don't say a word, okay?' Dean encouraged, tucking a shaking Cas into the covers, who reluctantly let go. Dean hated saying that to the little angel but he didn't want Sam kicking the kid out or worse, no matter what he'd done as his adult self.

'D-dean?' Cas let out a slow, shaky breath. Dean looked up from where he was checking the door, a shuffling still seeping from behind it, and found that Cas was looking at his chubby hands, small but multiple tears landing on his thumb and wrist.

'I wanna g-go home.' He looked away as though ashamed of his confession but it could have also been him trying to hide the tears that were unwillingly racing down his cheeks.

Yep, Dean feels worse.

It suddenly occurred to Dean that the old Castiel wouldn't have said that. He would want to run in the other direction. He wouldn't even want to be here after all the shit that he caused. In fact, the adult, dickish Castiel wouldn't be crying or hugging or begging. This was an actual _kid_. Castiel has completely forgot.

_Well shit_.

Dean hesitantly went to comfort him, arms making their way to cuddle the angel but the door clicked open. Dean couldn't tell what was walking in due to the angle he was sitting at but one foot at a time, Sam made his way in, albeit rather clumsily. His chest and right arm were covered with dark, crimson blood. At the sight of his little brother, Dean immediately sat up from next to Castiel while named angel dug himself further into the covers, terrified of the giant, bloodied and armed Winchester who made his way to his own bed, dropping the knife on the bedside table. Dean only became more pissed off as Sam ignored him, sighing and taking his bloodied shirt off. Dean angrily made his way to his idiot little brother.

'What the hell were you thinking, Sam?,' Dean waved his arms to demonstrate his frustration but obviously didn't need to by the way he growled his brother's name, 'You can't just go ganking a witch without backup.'

Glaring at him, Dean further approached his brother, challenging him for his response. Now both Winchesters were at opposite sides of Sam's bed. Instead Sam, with a sigh, looked past Dean towards the little lump in the bed, showing only curiosity and (was that boredom?) on his face. Dean turned to glance at what his dodgy brother was looking at, finding that the only thing visible of Castiel were the teary blue orbs and a tuft of dark hair peeking out of the covers. Eyes completely frozen on Sam.

'What's with the kid?' Sam shifted his stare to Dean, eyes held with either disinterest or tiredness or both. Sam chucked his shirt onto a washing pile while waiting for Dean's reply, clearly not that interested. In response, Castiel hid back under the covers and Dean gave a weak laugh.

'This kid? Yeah, found him outside our door. Won't leave me alone. Just about to sort it out with the manager.' Laughing, Dean looked over at Cas. He wasn't saying a word and he couldn't be seen from under the covers. _Thank God. _Sam raised his eyebrow, the only movement on his face since he got back. ' Anyway, not the point Sam,' Dean said as he shook his head, anger returning to his tone, 'What the hell were you thinking?'

Sam shrugged. 'I just needed to go and do something, Dean. To...To kill something. Get it out of my system' Dean really didn't want to know what 'it' was. He also noticed Sam's fists tightening, possibly losing control. _Great_. He really didn't need all this right now. He caught Sam's gaze and received the warning. _Don't push any further, Dean. _

_Well tough. _

'Look Sam, this is bullshit. You can't just-' Dean was left short as Sam marched right up to Dean, face to face.

'You have no right to give me orders. You've been giving me orders none stop.' Sam gave a humourless laugh, out of spite. 'Y'know what Dean, I've had enough of your crap. You haven't stopped treating me like I'm gonna snap and kill every single living thing near me or even myself at any moment. Ever since...' Sam fell silent and his eyes flickered to the corner of the room closest to the angel and back to the lump of Cas. He mumbled a few words Dean couldn't make out. _Was it some kind of crappy hallucination?_ Dean was definitely concerned.

'Hey Sammy-' Dean softened his tone in worry and was about to shake his brother out of it when Sam violently pushed him back. Dean fell against the side of the bed but managed to regain his balance, although somewhat surprised. He could hear a yelp behind him.

'It's alright' He called back to the stirring lump, and two pair of eyes popped back out of the covers, checking if what Dean said was really true. Dean looked back at his brother, readying for another impact but Sam gave him an angered and disgusted look. Then he stared at Cas.

'Y-you... You son of a bitch!' He growled and lurched forward, aiming for a punch at the angel but Dean rammed him and pushed Sam towards the kitchen, away from Cas. Sam, before he could bring out another attack, stopped in his tracks, head tilted to the side, almost listening. Listening to fucking Satan.

Dean needed to get Sammy out of this. Fast.

'Sam, please, just, can you just lis-'

Sam came back into focus, anger in all its glory.

'What the _fuck_ Dean?! He -he-'

'I know what he did Sam but he's no-

'You spineless, fucking as-'

'Sam listen. It's not what you think okay? He's-'

It was at that moment a huge, painful thud impacted into Dean's cheek, sending him across the room, side hitting the corner of his bed. Sight going fuzzy, he let out a groan. His head fucking _hurt_. Dean was pretty sure he was bleeding. Several pain filled moments later Dean managed to push through the dizziness and picked himself up, only to have his heart sink further. The lump in the bed was gone, blue tie left in its place.

'Cas!'

'Oh so you are the bastard who put me and my brother through this hell. Hiding in a kid' Dean could hear a disgusted snort and a muffled scream. Dean thought he could hear Sam hum in agreement to something.

'Hold still!' His out of control little growled fiercely. 'Shit. Get back here.' Dean heard another scream, but it was so much more louder and clearer.

Dean immediately turned to face his out of control brother. He never knew it would get this bad. Sam had Cas cornered. Cas's hair was scuffled, blue eyes drenched in tears, and a bruise appearing just above his right eye.

_This isn't Sam._

Sam shared a quick glance with his older brother. Dean's theory was proved right when he saw right through his brother. Sam wasn't there. Not his Sammy. Dean stared at the boy, the angel he once trusted. His blue eyes were begging for his help, his comfort. They were filled with fear. He couldn't let Sam do this. No matter what Castiel had done before this. He couldn't let Sam do something they'll both regret.

**...**

He was here. He was alive. All this time the bloody angel was alive. And Dean. Dean was on _his_ side. Always sticking by his precious fucking angel. Typical.

No one really stays dead these days, do they?

The moment when Sam walked through the door, Lucifer popped up, constantly drumming into Sam's head all his sick fantasies once Sam was once again dragged back into hell. But he also gave Sam the hints that he needed to realise the real identity of the child sitting only a few feet away.

Blue eyes in all its crying glory.

Maybe Lucifer wasn't so bad after all.

**...**

'Sam listen to me,' Dean reached out a hand to the struggling pair, 'That's not Cas,' Sam snorted and smirked at the fellow hunter.

Dean tried a different tactic.

'Okay, yes that is Cas but he's not all there alright? The Leviathan did some Enochian crap on him and ZAP, he's this.' Dean waved his hands at Cas who had a fearful yet slightly confused expression. Sam didn't falter. Dean's head was ringing.

'Sam, are you gonna kill the kid?' Dean looked him straight in the eye. 'Since when did we resort to that?'

God Dean hoped this would work.

The brothers held each other's gaze for a few seconds, waiting and challenging one another to make a move. Cas never broke his stare on Dean, his breaths short and shallow.

_Thank God._

Dean didn't want Cas to know about the knife behind Sam's back. Eventually, Sam dropped his gaze but his head was held to the side, listening intently.

'Sam, don't do this. _You_ wouldn't want this. This isn't right, Sam. You know it isn't. It's that thing in your head tha-' Dean was cut short as Sam came back into focus.

'Who the hell put it there Dean?!' Sam yelled causing Cas to flinch and let out a shaky gasp. Sam's grip only tightened. Cas was crying heavily now, standing rigidly still. His eyes closed tightly; not wanting to see what comes next. His mouth was slightly moving but Dean only just noticed that he could hear a whisper, but couldn't make it out. Cas was terrified. Dean's stomach clenched. It reminded Dean too much of the dream he had not twenty four hours ago. He promised himself and Castiel that this wouldn't end in the same disaster.

But he was known to make promises he couldn't keep.

Castiel stopped mumbling under his breath and in what seemed like sudden panic, opened his eyes, pupils dilated to their fullest. Dean finally managed to catch Cas' gaze and offered him a small smile. Cas' crying softened. It seemed to have calmed him slightly. 

_Still too damn trusting._

Dean was so concentrated on saving Cas and calming Sam that he almost didn't hear the knife drop out of Sam's hand and clutter to the floor. Sam's face was full of what Dean guessed was fear, shock or surprise, as a flutter of wings and a 'Hello Deano' came from behind him.

Dean could almost hear the smug smile.


	6. Overprotective

Dean could pretty much hear the amusement seeping from beneath that childish grin. _His_ childish grin. God, the world is all kinds of messed up if even this guy can't stay dead. Luckily for them, messed up was very lucky at times. Especially now.

'Gabriel?' Sam whispered in shock and stared in disbelief, sheer terror covering his face. Well, there was a reason he looked scared shitless. Thoughts of the silent angel who was dependently resting against the wall seemed to have been long forgotten. Sam seemed to have a clear mind at this point, the hazy glare vanishing from his wide eyes.

Gabriel had his head cocked to the side, a wide smirk covering half of his face. Totally smug. He had his arms crossed, leaning against the wall, so care free. Dean hated that after all the crap they've been through, Gabriel finally decides to show up. What has it been? Two years? And he's not stressed at all. He probably pissed off to Hawaii for all they knew, drinking and relaxing ( and probably screwing with people) without a care. Actually, Dean kind of expected this. It was Gabriel for God's sake.

'The one and only Samsquatch' Gabriel winked at the younger brother who, along with the word down desk, was blocking Cas from the older angel's line of vision. The calm before the storm. Dean was left in between the awkward reunion, still in his own state of shock.

'You're alive...' Dean's expression fully resembled his brother's.

_Why am I not surprised?_

Gabriel turned to face the older hunter, brows furrowed and feigning hurt.

'Hellooo, the _Trick-_ster. It kinda says it in the name, but I gotta tell ya Deano, I'm truly hurt that you doubt my pure awesomeness.'

'But how? I mean, we saw the light and the wing marks-'

'Oh please, I sent Sammy here to repeat the Tuesday for like forever and you believe that a little light show and a pattern on the floor means that I'm dead. Seriously, I'm not that helpless.' He clapped his hands and looked around the room expectantly. 'Now, which one of you was crying for me like a little girl. Bet it was you big boy.' He winked at Dean, who only returned an annoyed glare.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and slapped a hand to his chest,' Hey, I'm the one that was dragged out of a very enjoyable yet questionable evening with a couple of well respected ladies. I should be glaring at _you_**.**' He pointed a daring finger at Dean. ' After all, how many times have I saved your girly asses?'

_Uh, once. _

'Gabriel-' Dean was about to explain their situation and elaborate that Gabe only helped them _once,_ and even then that was a struggle, but the archangel put his hands up with a offended expression, tucking his head away from the eldest Winchester.

'Not now Dean. It's too late. Apologising cannot do anything...but Sam maybe-' He narrowed his eyes at Sam, eyebrows raised one higher than the other. All the while, Sam hadn't moved an inch. '-I think I have a profound bond with.' He winked at the stricken brother, apparently not realising the tension in the room.

_Were angels always this naive?_

Dean knew Cas was.

_Cas._

Dean's eyes widened at the petty reminder of his former friend as the archangel continued to ramble on about how they mistreat him and how they can make up for it. Dean was pretty sure he heard something about _Casa Erotica_ but he really didn't want to know. Dean limped forward, head still ringing and pounding from the recent fight. He also didn't miss Sam's shuffling feet and awkward stance. Sam could take the deadly annoying archangel while Dean could check his angel.

_Huh, something didn't sound right with that sentence. _

Dean shook it off and made his way to Castiel, background silence from Sam's part. He was so close to Castiel's small form that he was just about to kneel beside him until, of course, Gabriel's inference.

'And where do you think you're going, shorty?' Hearing the smile and sensing annoyance, Dean suddenly couldn't lift his feet, a heavy weight pulling him down. _Damn angel mojo._ He didn't have time for this. The sight of the slumped figure's legs from behind Sam, not even twitching, sent an ache in Dean's chest.

'Dammit Gabe let me go!' Dean growled through gritted teeth, trying and failing to push through the weird barrier thingy.

After a moment's silence, Gabriel sensed the uneasiness from the two brothers, resulting in his cheerful smile dropping. To confirm his doubts, Gabriel checked on Dean's soul (his was the most readable, burning bright and all.) He felt from Dean's soul the distress and worry that only radiates from a protective force. Of course, all Gabriel saw was a sort of dark sapphire blue aura radiating around his soul but he knew all too well the signs that he caught onto. But Sam was fine wasn't he? Well, as fine as can be as the archangel sensed his brothers senseless damage and torture on Sam's soul. After a slight hesitation, Gabriel released Dean from his hold but his stare kept the hunter still, both the hunters in fact. He still couldn't see his younger brother lying on the floor, unconscious. Gabriel hesitantly approached the brothers, wearing an all too serious look, almost dangerous if it wasn't Gabriel.

'Why did you call me?'

Silence.

Gabriel's eyes narrowed in suspicion, 'You said you didn't know I was alive. You thought Luci got me, so what, you just got a spidey sense?'

Gabe looked straight at Dean, who gulped and glanced at Sam. Gabriel didn't need to read the eldest Winchester. He didn't need Dean to tell him that Sam was hiding something. It was obvious, Sam's soul was wavering, tightening within itself, a very dark grey aura suffocating his nearly burnt out soul. He approached Sam, readying for the more than likely disturbing news. Then he sensed it, a small glimmer but he sensed it. He stopped in his tracks, trying to focus on it. Dean, never in his life having seen it on the angel before, saw a look of confusion and worry flash over the archangel's face.

Gabriel shared a quick desperate glance at Dean who unconsciously took a step back. An older brother finding his hurt little brother on the floor unconscious, practically beaten up? He was definitely going to be pissed and Dean didn't want Sam in the overload of pissed off protective archangel. That is, if angels get protective of younger siblings.

Sam mirrored his thoughts as he cautiously stepped away from the tense reunion and the unconscious body of Castiel. A mistake as both eldest hunter and archangel noticed the knife on the floor that was once hidden by Sam's feet. It didn't take long for Gabe to fill up the gaps, Dean guessed, as the archangel's eyes glazed over with something Dean couldn't pin down.

The sudden deafening crack of Sam's head hitting against the wall implied Dean was in fact correct, angels are evidently protective. Gabriel's elbow pushed against Sam's neck, making Sam gasp for air, when Gabriel brought his head closer to the pinned hunter.

'What is this?' Gabriel seethed.

From the angle where he stood, and the way Dean's gaze shifted to the corner for a brief second, caught Gabriel's attention to the unusually shadowed corner behind the worn out desk. Gabriel only expressed confusion towards the slumped figure, brow furrowed. Sam could feel the pressure on his neck soften but the muscles in Gabriel's arm still flexed with tension. He wasn't out of it yet. Through flittering eyelids and rugged breaths, Sam was almost sure he saw the archangel's grace revealing itself through Gabriel's glare. For a brief yet regrettable moment, Sam wondered if Lucifer will help him out of this one. In fact, the thought made Sam realise that he hasn't heard a word out of Lucifer since Gabriel turned up.

'Gabe, just calm down alright?'

Dean raised his hands in hopes to reassure the archangel that they weren't going to harm anybody, almost treating Gabriel like a rabid animal, not knowing what will tick him off further. He noted that Gabriel had little or no intention in letting go of Sam but could see Gabriel's body relax. Good, now all Dean had to do was tell him the truth and hope that they won't end up as fried fricking chicken.

'Okay, alright, so promise you're not gonna nuke us okay?' Gabriel just glared at Sam as Dean tried to lighten up the mood.

'Listen,' Dean slowly breathed out, trying to calm himself, 'Sam's not been himself ever since your satanic dick of a brother tortured him in hell and with Cas bringing him back. Please Gabe, Lucifer's been messing with him in his head. He's not thinking straight.' His voice broke in the last sentence, hating the reminder of his little brother slowly fading way.

Dean made his way towards the struggling pair, hoping to settle Gabe down enough so that he would listen, when the brothers made eye contact. Seeing the desperation and fear in his little brother's face, Dean could tell that he was lost and desperate.

'Please Gabe. It's not his fault.'

Dean could see Gabriel loosen his grip on Sam, and let out a breath, trying to relaxing. Gabriel turned to face Dean, receiving a small frown and grateful nod before heading to the small body which inhabited the flickering grace that Gabriel had sensed. He knew that grace. It's warmth felt so familiar. Gabriel never cared too greatly for the fledglings. They were never in his charge, usually some angel of a lower rank, but there was only a select few that took to his liking and this one was blatantly obvious that Gabriel mentally kicked himself for not recognising the call of his little brother sooner.

'Castiel?' He whispered as he knelt beside the huddled lump in the corner of the room. The guilt surfacing from within Gabriel was nearly suffocating. He shouldn't have left. Of course he had his reasons and come on, getting killed by Lucifer was the best get out of jail card for him, so he took it. But if he knew this was the result of his absence...

The little angel stirred at the gentle voice, surprising the brothers behind them. Wide blue eyes fell onto Gabriel. Dean immediately noticed the visible relaxation in Cas, shoulders relaxing and knees falling from an awkward angle.

'Gabwiel?' Gabriel smiled at the mispronunciation of his name, yet it never reached his eyes. The hoarse whisper made Dean and Sam flinch. They were definitely going to get smited for this. All the while, Castiel was grateful and relieved for his brother's appearance. Castiel didn't know why he called one of his closest brothers by his full name, he always called him 'Gabbie' (although Gabriel always moaned about it but Cas thinks he was just joking) or 'Gabe' like Dean just did so why did Cas feel like he needed to fully address the archangel? What was different? He couldn't remember. He didn't like not remembering.

'Hey Cassie, how're you feeling?' Gabriel asked hesitantly, the look of confusion on Castiel's face putting him on edge. He gently put the oversized trench coat over his little brother's shaking figure.

When was the last time he called his brother that nickname and see him smile?

'Twired' Cas rubbed his eyes. Gabriel gave a weak laugh and lifted Castiel into his arms and faced Dean. Cas' eyes brightened at the sight of the hunter and Dean smiled at the fledgling. Castiel wanted to raise his arms for Dean to pick him up but he felt safer in his brother's arms. Suddenly, he felt the weight of heavy eyes on him. It was Sam. Castiel's skin went cold and he gripped Gabriel's shirt tightly within his fists. Gabriel could feel Cas start to shake violently and heard tiny whispers of his and Dean's name being called as if on repeat.

'It's okay Cassie.'

Gabriel squeezed his grip on the angel, and whispered reassurance that he will get everything sorted. Castiel even timidly whispered back the demand of one of his little promises, which Gabriel willingly gave. It surprised Gabriel as he completely forgot these sort of 'rituals' they made when Cas was younger. Of course, the Winchesters didn't notice, but Gabriel's first set of golden wings surrounded the winged brothers protectively while Castiel's smaller raven ones uncurled against Gabriel's spread out wings. While this left Castiel smiling shyly up at Gabriel, he passed Cas to Dean, who hadn't had time to object but he didn't seem to mind and neither did Cas, who snuggled his head into Dean's shoulder. Gabriel noticed the way Cas' left wings wrapped around Dean's right shoulder. With a triumphant smile, Gabriel turned away from the pair after Dean stepped forward cautiously and Gabriel gave Dean a serious _trust me_ look.

Gabriel turned towards Sam, who caught onto their silent conversation and immediately backed away towards the front door, all the while pleading for Gabriel and Dean to think about this.

'Guys, please just hang on a sec.'

'No, Gabe back the hell away from me.'

'Cas, I'm sorry, I'm- Dean please, I can't-'

That's when Gabriel appeared directly behind Sam, cold stare meeting a fear filled one. They stared at each other for a moment, Gabriel loving the panic in Sam after what he had done to his little brother. He then took a deep breath before quickly raising his hand towards Sam's forehead, ignoring Dean's sudden cries and Sam's screams as he closed his eyes, drawing out the pure essence of his grace and began to surge it to the surface.


	7. Distant Brothers

Sam screamed as Gabriel's grace burnt out the left over essence of Lucifer and Michael on his soul. It was hardly bearable, pain seeping through Sam's screams and into Dean, causing his guilt to multiply tenfold. Dean noted the way Gabriel's other hand began to shake and clench as he progressed further into purifying Sam's soul, while Castiel hid his head underneath Dean's neck. He didn't like the screams.

Gabriel, through painful breaths and burning angelic muscles, was relieved to see that the darkness of the aura surrounding Sam's soul began to lighten. This allowed Gabriel to confirm that the degracing of his brothers' torture on Sam's soul was being reversed but it was taking so much grace that Gabriel had to use most of it to hold onto Sam's soul. His brothers were still fighting over their claim of the youngest Winchester and Gabriel's grace was wavering but he'll finish the job.

Instinct begged Dean to reach out and help his brother, get Gabriel off of him, but logic said that it would only get worse if Gabriel didn't do what the hell he was doing. It seemed to have taken a toll on the archangel and the light of his grace began to dim. Castiel must have felt the weakened state of his brother as he whimpered against Dean, who only held him tighter.

**...**

Gabriel collapsed shortly after Sam passed out onto the floor, grace nearly completely drained. Who the hell knew that so much energy was needed to tidy up after his older brothers' mess? Dean ignored the less than funny insults and rejections for his help and half lifted Gabriel into the chair beside Dean's bed. Castiel almost immediately leapt onto Dean's bed, despite his injuries, and leant right at the side to get the closest as possible to Gabriel, eyes filled with pure worry and slight admiration.

'You okay?' Cas whispered, unease settling in the pit of his stomach at the weakened sight of Gabriel. He should never look like this. If anything, this scared him as much as Sam hurting him and Dean.

Gabriel peered down at the fledgling Castiel, a tired smile forming on his lips. It had been a while since any of his brothers and sisters showed such concern for his health.

'I'll be alright lil' bro, just give me a sec and I'll be back to my awesome self in no time,' He reassured Castiel, voice raw from the lack of energy. Gabriel wasn't the best at reassuring little angels.

Castiel nodded and seemed to believe Gabriel. All the while, Dean made his way over to Sam's bed. Said brother was lying unconscious on the bed, looking completely at peace, apart from the slight red mark on his forehead and the red rashes under his eyes. _ But still, the first peaceful sleep in a while. _Although the obvious gain of a sane Sam, from what Gabriel had told him, being completely cured of hallucisatans, Dean was still pissed. Gabriel could have at least warned the hunters but that's typical of the archangel. It's typical for all angels for that matter. Gabriel must have noticed Dean's sudden frustration as he pulled himself up straighter.

'Dean,' Gabriel's pain-filled call brought Dean back to reality. Even Cas seemed to catch onto Gabriel's obvious discomfort, furrowing his brow in concern and shuffled closer to the archangel.

'Don't Gabe, just- you could've at least let me know what your feathery ass was about to do.'

'Hey, I gave you the signal. Not my fault your tiny brain takes ages to catch up.' Dean was pretty sure he saw Cas smirk at the comment.

'Yeah, well, maybe more than a wiggle of the eyebrows next time alright?...thanks anyway,' Dean added quietly.

'No problemo-' Gabriel's sudden gasp of pain made Castiel jump and Dean to jerk into action. He knelt down beside the wounded archangel, while Castiel was left unsure of what to do but Dean was only gifted with Gabe holding up his hand and saying 'M'fine.'

Dean left silence to settle until he began to feel awkward. 'What...What did you do exactly to, um, to, y'know get rid of...it?'

'It wasn't easy, I can tell ya that for fricking certain but I, uh, in a way for you to get it, I used my grace to burn out the marks Mickey and Luci left as a parting gift but some of my grace had to stay to-'

'What d'you mean stay?' Dean's concern was clearly evident in his tone.

'Don't get your panties in a twist Deano,' Gabe sighed, 'It's harmless. It's just to make sure no Luci's pop back up in Sam's mind and warns me if anything goes wrong.'

'Oh, well thanks,' Dean added awkwardly. 'You, uh, you sure you're gonna be okay?'

Gabriel sighed, 'Yeah Deano, just give me a few minutes.'

And with that, Gabriel slowly but determinedly picked himself up from the chair, Castiel and Dean eyeing him warily. The archangel seemed to hold himself higher with every step towards Sam. Gabriel leaned over Sam, eyes closed from concentration or pain Dean wasn't sure and held his hand gently over Sam's forehead. But Gabe just wanted to make sure the wall was sturdy enough so Sam wouldn't have another episode that Dean or his fledging brother had to face. Dean was otherwise occupied by Cas timidly climbing of the shuffled blankets to the end of the bed, beside Dean. The little angel hesitantly lifted his arms up to Dean, hinting for him to be lifted. Dean couldn't reject the puppy dog eye that could easily compete against Sam's and so obliged to Cas' request. Castiel's grip immediately tightened in his shirt, hands fisted so Dean couldn't let go of the fledgling. Dean knew what this was about by the way Cas averted his eyes away from Gabe and Sam, face buried in Dean's shirt.

'Hey Cas, Sam's all better now. He's not gonna freak out no more alright?' Dean looked down at the bundle of hair that was tickling his nose, but if anything, the mention of Sam's name made Castiel bury his head further. Thinking of little else to do, Dean looked up to see Gabe opening his hazel eyes with a relieved sigh. He noticed Dean's expecting expression and gave a small smile.

'He's gonna be alright Deano. Just you wait, in about a few hours or so, Sammy should wake up and is gonna be preening his load of feminine hair in no time.' Gabriel gave him a tiring smile and walked away from Sam. Dean did catch onto the 'should' in that sentence, but knowing Gabe, he wasn't going to spend all that energy, resulting in him in a weakened state just for his favourite Winchester to end up in bed for the rest of his life. But if has to come up, Dean will confront Gabe. For now though, Dean will consider this a victory. Nobody at this point needed further strain. Sam was safe. That's what counts.

Dean was relieved and thankful that Cas called Gabe in the first place but the reminder of Castiel's mistake only set off a spark of anger that Dean almost forgot he had. The weight in Dean's arms suddenly felt a lot heavier and Castiel seemed to have noticed the almost feral tension and squirmed in Dean's arms, turning to face Gabriel.

'I wanna g-go home,' he whispered as he peeked over Dean's shoulder to plead to Gabriel. His older brother will take him home then Balthazar and Anna can help him forget about these humans. Humans were scary. Cas didn't understand how he knew these humans. They were just there, imprinted in his grace, like he was meant to know them. He never knew why he preferred Dean, especially since the way his soul seemed to burn angrily towards the contact with Castiel.

Gabriel looked away from Cas, noting his little brother's obvious discomfort, sparking guilt to cast over his face.

'I can't Cas. I have business to sort out down here but as soon as I've finished I will return and we can go home.' He caught Dean's gaze but Dean already knew what he was thinking. If Cas ever returned to heaven, all the angels would be looking to get their hands on the angel. Particularly in this weakened state. Gabriel wouldn't let that happen to his little brother. Dean wouldn't either, he couldn't. Not after everything good Cas had done for them, it was the least he could do. But that could only mean one thing.

'No Gabe, no way. Don't you think we have bigger problems to be concerned about, like say, oh I dunno, the Leviathans?' Dean growled while Cas flinched in his arms.

'Look Dean-o, I'll tell you one thing. The Leviathans are still trying to regroup, and failing by the way. Being out of the times and all that.' He gave a wink to Dean. 'Anyways, you should be blessed. No more hissy fits from your angel _and_ Sam's put together. What you got to worry about?'

'Everything Gabriel. Sam's still gonna be pissed about everything and Cas being here is not gonna help.' Dean's voice was starting to rise, while failing to notice Cas shrinking into himself. 'And you can't keep laying down all this crap and then disappearing all the damn time. You owe us that much.'

'You owe _Castiel_ that much. If it wasn't for you knuckleheads Castiel would've never been hunted down by our brothers in the first place. He would've been in Heaven right now, watching you mud monkeys from his little cloud hole.' Gabriel seethed.

Dean had had enough.

_No,_ _Cas made his own decisions. _

_He could have easily turned away._

_But he didn't. He died, he fell. For us._

'Well, where the hell were you in all of this? Sunbathing on heavenly beaches? You went missing even before this whole apocalyptic crap even started. You abandoned your own family because you had enough with the sibling rivalry but guess what? If you were actually there, this might not have even happened. So yeah, this is all _my_ fault.' Dean growled, rolling his eyes. Angels will do anything to avoid blame. 'Cas looked for help and you weren't there,' Dean suddenly remembered Cas trying to tell him and every time he tried, Dean brushed him off, focusing on curing a souless Sam. It left him full of guilt, 'he couldn't even find his big brother. The only one, from what I've seen, that he actually looks up to.'

Gabriel froze at the comment, shoulders tensed and stiff. Looking away from the hunter's glare, he faced Cas who was burying his head further into Dean's neck, trying to escape the shouting.

'I couldn't bear to see my brothers and sisters in pain back then and I couldn't when Luci made a reappearance.' Gabriel's confession left Dean in silence, shocked. Gabriel kept his eyes on Castiel shaking in Dean's arms, a pain expression cast on the archangel's face.

That left Dean stumped. _What happened up in Heaven, to Cas, that made Gabriel turn away twice? _

Gabriel seemed to have gathered himself, taking a deep breath. He turned away from the hunter and fledgling.

'You'll keep an eye on my brother until I have found a way to return him to normal. He will need human care as his grace seems to have fully reverted back to his fledging stage. I will be needed. I am sorry Dean for this _burden_.' He spat the last word, full of anger. With a beat of his wings, Gabriel took off.

Cas froze as soon as he felt his brother's warm grace disappear. He was left with the humans. The angry humans. The humans he somehow knew. That scared him. He wasn't supposed to know anything about them until he was a grown angel. Maybe Zachariah will punish him again. He shook his head, trying to throw away the thoughts. Dean, looking puzzled and needing space, placed Cas on his bed.

'You, uh, you alright Cas?' Castiel all but ignored him, finding the plain blue of Dean's blankets far more interesting. It suddenly dawned on Dean, once Gabriel had left and Sam was settled, that this was the warrior of the Lord who had raised Dean from perdition. This little kid, sitting right in front of Dean who was nervously tightening into a small ball, was the kickass angel who threw holy fire at Michael, who fought a garrison of angels and archangels and eventually became Dean's best friend. And he just scared the crap out of him, reminding Dean to calm down for all their sake. And Dean had no idea how to help him. But he did know how kids worked. Maybe it was the same for fledglings.

'Hey Cas, you fancy going out? Leave Sam to rest up for a bit?' It occurred to Dean that Cas needed some new clothes. People were going to ask questions with him walking around with a kid wearing just an oversized shirt and a trench coat. The angel looked shocked at the fact that Dean still wanted to help him, hang out with him, which hurt Dean a little. He didn't want the kid to think he hates him. But Cas only nodded and lifted his arms up, implying Dean should carry him to the Impala. Castiel's hands were still shaking.

**...**

Dean and Cas were driving in silence. They left Sam resting in bed, and Dean needed to get some supplies anyway for when Sam wakes up. He _will_ wake up. They didn't get this far for Sam to end up like fricking Sleeping Beauty. Dean had no idea what to say to the shrunken angel who was passively seated in Sam's designated seat. Cas' feet just managed to reach over the edge of the seat, legs swinging slightly. It was still awkward, even with Cas in this state, seemingly unaware of the apparent awkwardness.

_Nothing has changed. _

Not really. It was still Cas, Sam was back and Dean could now slightly relax.

But he still couldn't handle the silence.

'So Cas, you wanna go get some clothes first?'

Cas nodded softly, eyes focused straight ahead but Dean couldn't help but notice his lips pulled into a frown, brow furrowed. Dean knew that look.

'Gabriel will come back for you y'know. He's not gonna leave you.'

Castiel looked up, eyes hopeful yet hesitant.

Dean smiled.

They drove on.

And Dean, eyes focused on the road, missed the little hopeful yet timid smile from the little angel.


	8. Voices

Dean hadn't really appreciated the purr of his baby up until today, while sitting next to the most silently awkward angel he had ever met. There had only been silence since their little pep talk. Dean desperately needed to fill the silence, trying to drown it out with Metallica and Led Zeppelin but all he got was a shocked face and puppy dog eyes as Cas said he wanted the 'scary noise' to go away. So Dean opted for the purr of his baby. Cas wasn't particularly talkative, even as his childish self, surprising the green-eyed hunter. Dean guessed that as Castiel was now a kid, his tongue might have loosened a little along with the disruptive carelessness that a kid should have but no, Castiel obtained none of that of a usual kid. Maybe they were stricter in Heaven than Dean thought.

Dean drove into the parking lot of Walmart. It was the only store that Dean knew that he would get everything for Cas and maybe a few beers for himself and Sam and possibly Gabe. It was going to be a rough god knows how long. Pulling into a space away from the dense mass of cars, Dean turned off the Impala's engine.

Silence. Dean hated silence.

But apparently it wasn't the fast running road that was now distracting Castiel from a conversation or even a side glance towards Dean. Following Castiel's eyes, Dean found that it was a red family hatchback a few spaces away from the Impala, barely kept in good condition. It had a dent in the front passenger door and grey scratches painted the bonnet and doors. Dean didn't think anything of it but that wasn't what Castiel had his blue eyes glued on. The front seats of the car was empty, but the half body of a young father poking out of the back seats of the car, helping his little boy unbuckle his seat belt who, from what Dean had guessed, couldn't have been more than a few years older than from what Castiel looked like in his condition. They were both laughing.

And Castiel was just watching.

Dean felt uncomfortable for a second until a wave of pity forced him to look over at a Cas who vaguely resembled a kicked puppy. It was so strange for Dean to see such emotion on the angel's face. Apart from determination, fear and relief, Dean thinks he has only seen Cas' stoic expression and to see this much sorrow at such a young age unsettled the hunter.

'Hey, uh, Cas?'

Castiel left his gaze on the small family just a second too long before catching Dean's. Typically, there was no answer_._

'So, we're um,' Dean hated the way the angel just looked at him expectantly, 'we're gonna go get you some clothes that actually fit you kay? Then maybe get us a snack on the way back.'

Castiel peered down at his current clothing, white shirt with taints of creases and rips from Sam's attack and the oversize was so obvious, but Castiel only seemed to question Dean as he looked back up.

'Come on Cas, you need some proper clothes like some pants for starters and I don't think the white shirt is gonna cut it,' Dean sighed.

Castiel once again looked down at the white shirt he was wearing. He gripped the too long white sleeves in his small fists and pulled them against his chest, seemingly reluctant with the idea of departing with his old clothes and looked up at Dean, wide blue eyes pleading and slightly watery.

'Alright, alright. Don't worry. I'll keep them in the back, okay, with your-' Dean was cut short as he remembered Castiel's signature trench coat in the back of the Impala, bringing along with it the reminder of Leviathans, lies, betrayal, fear, grief-

'Nope, doesn't matter,' Confusion sketched onto Castiel's face at the comment. 'Let's just get on with it and then we can go find a diner. I'm starving.'

Dean undone his seatbelt and helped Cas with his as he caught the angel watching him undo his seatbelt and struggling with his own as he copied. Dean opened the car door and began to climb out of the Impala when he felt something squeeze softly on his jacket. He turned to see a small hand grasping his jacket sleeve. Dean, surprised at the sudden action, looked at Castiel whose eyes were filled with tears, breath hitching.

'M-make them stop Dean... please.' He cried. Dean, setting his eyes on the crying boy, sat back down immediately.

'Who Cas? What they doin'?' Dean urged. He didn't like this. Dean had thought that at last, one day where they can just catch up on the crap that was piling onto them instead of struggling to hold themselves up with the constant crap overloading them all at once.

'The v-voices. They keep saying bad things.' Cas managed to shuffle closer to Dean, teary eyes hidden within Dean's jacket. 'D-don't like it, Dean.' Cas whispered and was now sobbing. Dean now realised why the angel had been so silent on the drive here.

_He was listening._

Dean suddenly felt guilty for not trying harder to get Cas' attention and was freaking out at the new revelation that some jack ass was bullying Castiel right now without him even knowing.

'Okay,' Dean began to chase through thoughts and ideas as he shifted to face a now closer Castiel, 'Okay Cas, what do they sound like? What're they say-'

The grip on his jacket disappeared and a small movement of Cas' hand alerted Dean. Castiel was pinching himself. Hard.

'Don't do that Cas.' Dean immediately pulled Cas' hand away from his other arm and Castiel flinched at the contact.

_What the hell?_

Dean could see that Castiel wouldn't be able to handle this here, that Gabriel would be better at calming the angel down. Now, it would just be better to keep Cas safe and occupied, worry about the who's and what's when they get back into the safety of the motel and archangel. Planning on drawing Cas' attention to somewhere else, Dean said 'Tell you what. When we get back we're gonna go and get Gabe and get it sorted alright? So no more of that, ya hear me?.' Dean shifted his concerned gaze over to the red raw skin on Cas' arm.

_How long has he been doing that?_

'And don't you dare listen to whoever they are okay?' Dean added, unnerved at the possibility that angels, demons or whatever might know where Cas' location is already. Cas looked up at Dean and nodded softly, hesitantly reaching out his arms. It wasn't until Dean picked him up that he realised Cas was shaking. Dean covered his other arm protectively over Cas, his brotherly instincts kicking in.

'Let's go in, get everything sorted and then go see your brother.'

Dean could feel a small shaking of Cas' head and a grip tighten on Dean's shirt.

**...**

Cas still refused to let go of Dean. Dean was still reluctant to let go of Cas. Not after that. Cas was still terrified of the silence. The voices would come back, that's what Cas whispered into Dean's ear as they made their way into Walmart.

_What the hell were they saying? _That was what worried Dean. 

Those sons of bitches better not be whispering threats to Cas. They were supposed to be angels, so why were they torturing a little kid, a fledgling? Dean knew what Cas did to the angels, what he did to everyone but this wasn't _that_ Cas. It wasn't fair. He couldn't even defend himself. But little Cas seemed to have no idea who the voices belonged to. He didn't even seem to remember the crap he pulled before the whole de-aging stunt he somehow managed to pull. Castiel would be crushed if he found out that he singlehandedly took down hundreds of angels, brought back the monsters too terrifying to live under your bed and disobeyed his dad, who by the way, seemed to be missed greatly by the small Castiel. He's going to have to have a long talk with Gabriel when they get back. Dean was mega-pissed and maybe mega-concerned, but let's not get into that.

They were walking towards the shoe section of the store. Castiel's old shoes slipped of his new, miniature feet back at the hotel when Dean picked him up. Cas' head was still tucked underneath Dean's chin. Dean's arm was aching from the weight when a young brunette walked along the opposite side of the shelves, glancing over it a few times to glance at Dean and the shy little boy in his arms. A few seconds and a couple of more glances Dean's way passed before she managed to speak up.

'Seems like you knocked him out,' She said smiling, while Dean looked up from where he was checking out the trainers.

'Oh, yeah,' Dean glanced down at Cas, whose grip tightened at the new voice, 'We had a long trip,' He smiled back and they both made their way to the end of the shelves where the brunette held out her manicured hands playfully.

'Evelyn, but you can call me Evie.'

'Dean,' The hunter took Evie's hand and shook it lightly, pink nails scraping his skin softly.

'And your son?' Evie looked into Dean's arms, noticing how close Cas was to Dean. It took a while for Dean to process what she said and to realise she was looking at Cas.

'Oh, no, wait, no,' Dean started laughing, leaving Evie surprised at the sudden outburst and slightly confused. Dean seeing the furrowed brows of Evie continued, 'No, sorry. I'm not Cas' father. He's, uh, he's my nephew. I'm looking after him for a coupla days while his dad's outta town.'

Her eyes softened in understanding, 'Well, anyhow, he's adorable.' She moved closer to look at Castiel, but he only turned his head closer into Dean's neck.

'He's kinda shy,' He said as a young girl, perhaps a little younger than Cas, grabbed Evie's hand.

'Oh and this is my daughter, Penelope,' Evie said proudly before kneeling down and checking on her daughter. The young girl had blonde frizzy and curly hair, out of control, which kind of matched Cas' bed head. While Evie went down to pick up her daughter, Dean could feel Castiel shift in his arms in obvious discomfort.

'Hey Cas,' Dean whispered low enough for only Cas to hear, 'We're gonna get going soon okay? Don't worry.' But Evie noticed the way Castiel seemed to settle when Dean tightened his hold/hug.

'You're really good with him,' she smiled along with a smiling Penelope in her arms. 'I wish I found someone as good as that,' Evie moved discretely closer.

That right there was some hint of flirtation and Dean felt instinct brimming at the surface for him to flirt back. It didn't escape Dean that she was flirting in front of two young kids, one her own. Yet they were close enough for Penelope to poke the awkward yet interesting little boy held in the tall man's arms. Dean felt Cas freeze up before the girl poked him again. The second time, Castiel turned his head ever so slowly towards the source of the unwanted contact.

The girl only smiles.

'M'Penny.' She smiled while popping a lollipop from her mouth, and Cas noticed how pink her cheeks were. Castiel somewhat relaxed in Dean's arms at the friendly tone Penelope was giving.

'Hello.' He mumbled into Dean's shirt, voice slightly lower than his usual high pitched voice. Dean and Evie just smiled at their kids. A shy Castiel was, admittedly, adorable. Penelope seemed to be waiting for Cas to tell her his name, and Cas knew it. Instead, Dean had a changed view of the angel, from his dark scruffy hair to two blue orbs.

'Dean,' Cas pleaded very quietly and Dean realised just how uncomfortable Castiel actually was. He didn't know how to talk to others. If what Gabe said was true, then Cas had no interaction with people, humans, other than him and Sam.

So, instead of getting Evelyn's number, who was battering her eyes expectantly, Dean bid her and Penelope goodbye. Penelope was upset she couldn't play with Castiel but Cas just seemed relieved. Dean squeezed Cas comfortingly, trying to ignore the adoring stares of the chatting women and the death glare from Evelyn burning the back of his head, and headed to the kid's shoe section.

_Who knew kids were babe magnets? _

But at the moment, Dean really didn't care.

After about ten minutes of searching, Dean managed to pick out three pairs of sneakers without disturbing Cas. Castiel pretty much fell asleep five minutes in. Dean knew he couldn't afford an expensive pair on top of clothes, food and some other stuff for Cas so he chose the most basic, the cheapest. But he wanted to make sure Cas was happy with them too.

'Hey Cas' Dean shook the arm he was carrying Cas with to wake him up. Cas drowsily lifted his head, nose nearly touching Dean's. He rubbed his eyes with his small fists. 'Have a look at these and tell me which ones you think look good.'

With a yawn and a small nod from Cas, Dean popped the fledgling onto the seat next to the display of shoes Dean had carefully chosen. The Sale shelf, which Dean wasn't exactly proud of for buying kid's shoes at. But he couldn't feel bad about that when his little brother was left unconscious back at the motel. Dean took the seat next to Cas, waiting for the angel to make his decision but Cas just stared at the sneakers blankly.

'Come on Cas, which ones d'you like?' Dean urged. Dean hoped he'd pick the black ones, they were cool, but Cas just continued to stare and nervously twitch his finger.

'What's the matter?' Dean's smile faltered, seeing the discomfort of the small angel. There was a slight pause, filling Dean with concern, before Cas was able to speak up.

' I-I don't know, Dean. Never had t-to-' He took in a big breath. 'I'm not allowed to keep my own things. That's what Zach-' Another big breath but in a quieter voice. 'Don't want him to come.'

'Zachariah? That douche bag?'

_He's dead isn't he? _

_Yeah, but Cas doesn't know that does he, dumbass?_

Castiel nodded, 'Yes, he said that we should only have the silver...blades when we're older to keep. Said was too much of a distwac-distraction.'

Dean was sure glad he wasn't an angel. Poor kid couldn't even own anything and even his angel blade he had given to Dean. That made the green-eyed hunter feel even crappier.

'Listen Cas, don't worry. Zach's not gonna turn up...Plus, me and Gabe will make sure that whatever you get, you keep.' Dean winked at the angel who returned a small, hopeful smile. Cas nodded and jumped off the seat. He quietly started looking around, holding his hands together, seemingly unsure how to hold himself. Which Dean denied thinking was adorable. Denied it completely. Dean was going to tell him that all he could afford was right there in front of him but something inside the hunter stopped him. This was the first time since Gabe left, hell since Castiel first got into this mess, that he actually seemed remotely not upset. Dean wasn't going to ruin that for the angel. Dean's thoughts drifted to his brother, wondering if he was awake, if he remembered everything, if he was still pissed about Cas.

God he hoped not.


	9. The First Encounter

Dean was sitting on the leather seat, elbows resting on knees, head held in his hands. Castiel guessed that he was lost in thought, mind drifting high above the clouds. He too let himself wonder sometimes. But for now, he was left on a mission. Looking for shoes but a mission nonetheless. It was more than his brothers and sisters ever allowed him to do. Castiel was starting to like Dean more than some of his siblings but he would _never_ say that out loud.

Castiel knew Uriel's ranting about how humans were so boring and dull were false accusations. For one, human children were just fascinating to Castiel. Their imagination and creativity knew no bounds as he found that he liked watching them play from his spot in the clouds. It looked fun. But angels were not allowed to imagine. They were not allowed to create. They were there to help and serve their father which never bothered Castiel. He loved his family, his father, the humans.

An eager boy pulled his mother into the kid's shoes section, a good few feet away from where Castiel stood. Her hands were full of bags, some hanging from her forearm in order to hold them all. She was also on the phone, looking mildly flustered and upset while the boy, on the other hand, looked like he couldn't physically keep still. Castiel noticed that in most children. That was also what peeked his love for his father's creation, emotion. Father let humans feel emotion more freely than any angel Castiel had ever met. Although Zachariah said Cas needs to be stronger and keep his kept in but Castiel is still working on that.

Castiel was watching wide-eyed in wonderment while Dean was still lost in thought, eyes furrowed. Gabriel sometimes looked like that. Castiel didn't need his adult angelic powers to see that he was worried. Probably about the giant human. For good reason, if he might add. Gabriel was angry and Cas knew Gabe did silly things when he was angry, just like what Sam did.

The angel couldn't hear what the parent-son duo were saying so he crept up behind a closer shelf, hiding from the bickering humans. He was determined. The boy eagerly yanked his mother to a pair of shoes across the section of the store, unknowingly having a shadow following their every move. The mother was still on the phone, voice raised above the begging child.

'Please, I gotta have these. Please Mom, please. Jake said that I gotta so I _gotta_!' The boy begged. Castiel, who was hiding behind a closer shoe rack, didn't quite understand his logic but the boy's mother seemed to have been persuaded easily, just huffing and grabbing her purse, all the while on the phone.

'For God's sake Ryan, if you just give me a bloody second- no not you sir, It's just...yes sir... right...absolutely... I'll call you as soon as you're ready... Goodbye si-.' The mother held her breath as the connection ended. A few moments after, she looked at her phone before closing it shut while readjusting the bags on the arm the little boy was pulling. She just sighed and smiled softly at the boy and picked up the chosen shoes.

Humans confused the fledgling ever since he met his first one. Castiel smiled proudly at the memory.

_It was a few years after The Birth. Castiel was a little younger than he was now, give or take a few hundred years but he could still remember how the angels wouldn't quieten about the small boy. The excitement of Father's plans sky rocketed after Gabriel's visit. Castiel didn't really understand much about humans or the significance of this baby yet Gabriel just smiled and said to hold onto his hand. Castiel did as he was told. _

_These trips were rare and were usually guided by a lower ranking angel, although Castiel knew nothing of ranks at the time. He just assumed that Gabriel was the only angel allowed onto Earth's surface since it was only he who made any form of contact with the humans in a very long time. Perhaps Gabriel knew more of humans than other angels. Castiel knew a lot too. Watching from his little spot occupied most of his time. Castiel just hoped Gabriel and the other angels were just as excited as he was. _

_Gabriel took only a few fledglings, whom would later become Castiel's most trusted in his garrison, to Earth, just to let them get a glimpse of what they will have to face once they were fully grown. They were, after all, planned to watch over humanity for several hundred, perhaps thousands, of years, depending on Father's plans. Castiel was just excited to be chosen, as he was one of the youngest, he was rarely chosen to do something so important. _

_Before they left home, Gabriel made sure that at least their wings were hidden from human sight in case they made any unwanted encounters. He made it clear that they were too young and too delicate to bless a human and borrow a vessel. That left the fledglings to cast a 'shadow' of their true selves, a version that even humans could comprehend, with the help of Gabriel of course. This left them in the image of young children, surrounded by a Gabriel in a young shepherd who willingly gave himself to God's service. _

_The archangel took them to what Cas thought was a desert. He never really saw a desert before but he knew it was weird to find a puddle of all things amongst the honey coloured sand. Castiel nearly jumped as he peered over to look at the mysterious puddle, finding a small boy with unruly dark hair and intensely blue eyes staring back at him. The angel smiled to himself. He looked just like a human. _

_Castiel, although not the youngest (being Samandriel) he was the quietest, leaving him at the back of the group. Cas wasn't all too concerned. Gabriel wouldn't dare let one of his siblings out of his sight. Of course, that didn't stop Castiel from being the most distracted of the group. He was staring at the puddle, seeing the relfection of two blackbirds flying over head when he heard the timid yet harsh whisper. _

_'Castiel!' _

_Yet Castiel was still trapped in his thoughts. He couldn't help but think that Father thought of him while creating these creatures, their wings and flight style eerily similar to that of Castiel and for that, Castie was proud. A second whisper tore his gaze away from the sky to find that he was quite behind the rest of the group, only Samandriel walking slowly for Cas to catch up._

_'Sorry,' Castiel whispered as he ran up to him, slight panicked eyes reaching ones filled with wonderment._

_'It's okay but Gabriel said to keep _together_,' Samandriel pressed. _

_'Yes, I _know_ Sammy,' Cas brushed his invisible wings against Samandriel and laughed. Samandriel always worried too much._

_Gabriel was explaining how a family of humans worked and how the angels mustn't disturb them at any cost unless God commanded it. Castiel agreed instantly. The fledgling managed to wonder off once again, awed by the sun's descent and the large block with smoke flying out of it, while the others began to carry on with their tour of humanity. Castiel found himself, after a few minutes of walking around in wonderment at his Father's creation, hearing the excited chatter of high voices. Confused, thinking that it couldn't be his brothers and sisters, he stood frozen in fear. Realisation hit him hard as it occurred to him that he wasn't supposed to be here. He was told to stay close and he _disobeyed_. An eruptive panic took a hold of him. He knew that Zachariah said never to show weakness but Castiel couldn't help it. He's never been away from his brothers before. He's never been down here before. _

_He was lost. He was scared. _

_Just as Castiel's breathing started to hitch, he could feel a tiny grip tighten on his arm. Cas yelped out in surprise and fear, taking several steps backwards before stumbling over his feet. He immediately glanced over at the sudden intruder through raised arms over his face. _

_'I'm sowry. I-I didn't mean to scare you' The small boy mimicked Cas, leaving a large gap between the pair. _

_The boy was about the same age as the little angel although he seemed slightly smaller. The slightly dirty clothes the boy was wearing hung off his shoulders, trousers dragging across the dirt, and Castiel could see that the boy was not in ideal health. He immediately wanted to help but he didn't know how. Cas wasn't very good at talking. The other angels said he was awkward even though Castiel didn't understand what that meant. He knew he wasn't very good but he gave it a go anyway. He might finally be good at something. Then he could show Zachariah and Uriel that he _is_ a good angel. _

_He just didn't know what to say. So the two boys stared at each other, in silence. _

_'Um...' The boy looked hesisitant but pressed on, 'you okay? You look like you're lost. Is your daddy nearby?' The boy looked up at Cas who shook his head. No, Father had more important things to do. _

_'Oh. Well, w-would you like to come and meet mine? My mother s'making dinner so it's really yummy and m'dad will help you find yours.' The boy almost seem determined. Castiel didn't quite understand what the boy was saying but nodded anyway. He seemed nice._

_'So, what's your name?' The boy asked as he signalled for Castiel to follow him and they began to walk towards the small smoking block which Castiel now understood was a cottage, a human home._

_'C-Castiel... B-b-but Gabbie calls me Cassie.' Cas smiled triumphantly, finally managing his first words to his first human. It was hard to shift from Enochian to an entire different language such as Aramiac. But all angels, no matter how young, knew all the languages, past, present and future. The boy noticed the pride pouring from him._

_'Cassie? That's a nice name.' The boy nodded his head as if agreeing with himself. The silence that came afterwards hinted to Castiel that he needed to say something, anything._

_'Your name?' Cas managed to let out. Talking to humans was hard. The boy seemed delighted he'd asked and gave Castiel a wide smile. Right then, Castiel decided that he far more enjoyed it here with the humans rather than up home watching from above. The boy moved closer to Castiel, full of unmentioned trust, and opened his mouth to answer. He soon paused as a shadow peered over himself and Castiel, shoving the delight from his features. Castiel pulled a face, confused at the boy's sudden change in mood and wishing for him to continue. He really wanted to know the name of the first human he'd talked to._

_'Castiel' A recognisable face behind the young shepherd's loomed down at the fledgling, a hint of a smile tainting his features. 'I see you've made a friend but I think it's time you said goodbye.'_

_'Yes...um, okay,' Castiel turned to face the boy, who now had a frown which screamed disappointment, and smiled, 'Goodbye...and thank you for the talking.' _

_And with that Castiel walked in the direction of his older brother. He was getting better at talking to the humans. Turning to check on his new friend (he liked having a new friend), Cas saw the boy wave at him before running happily into his home. Castiel copied the movement, unsure of what it meant but it seemed to make the boy happier. That made Cas happier. Castiel suddenly could hear a low chuckle coming from his brother as they walked towards the rest of the group._

_'Did I say something funny?' Castiel asked confused. He only did what the boy did but Gabriel's smile only widened further. There was further silence as they passed the now smaller puddle until Castiel couldn't keep it pent up any longer,_

_ 'Am I to be punished?' He whispered in fear. He was suddenly reminded that he walked away from the group. He disobeyed. That was something you must never do._

_'No Castiel, you will not be punished.' Gabriel turned to look ahead at the group, but a smile still resting on his face, 'You just have a funny way of disobeying orders.' _

_Castiel glanced up at the archangel, squinting his eyes due to the harsh sunlight and gave him a __quizzical look. _

_'What was that human's name? He never told me,' Castiel asked timidly. Gabriel looked down and frowned, almost reflecting how Castiel felt. Cas gave his older brother a disappointed look when Gabriel wouldn't answer which only amused the archangel further. Gabriel paused a few feet away from the rest of the group so they were just out of earshot but their siblings were still in sight. It took Castiel five steps to realise that Gabriel was no longer beside him, and came running back, slowing to a stop when he reached Gabriel. _

_'That boy, Castiel,' The sound of his name brought blue eyes to hazel, 'will one day be very, very important. So important that Father sent me down to deliver his mother and others who care for him a message,' Gabriel stood, ruffling Castiel's already unruly hair, 'and I will soon watch over him at Father's request.' _

_Cas' eyes brightened. 'Can I come Gabriel, please?'_

_'Maybe one day little brother, but for now try to stay with the rest of us,' Gabriel laughed as they made their way back to their siblings. Samandriel did _not_ look happy. _

_Castiel never did get the boy's name. _

The sound of thudding snatched Castiel away from his thoughts.

Castiel saw that the pair were leaving and he watched as the boy stomped his feet, making his new shoes glow with flickering lights. All in different colours. Castiel stared in awe. He had never seen something so beautiful and he knew Zachariah would say no but he wanted a pair. He desperately wanted a pair. He wanted to be as happy as that boy. Castiel must have poked out of his hiding place too far as the boy managed to catch his eye, eyes squinting, before poking his tongue out while walking away. Castiel brushed that off as fast as he could. He also found human children very, very strange. Once they made their way around the corner, Castiel quietly walked over to the same shoes that were resting on the shelf. He carefully picked one up, examining the shoe as if it was the most delicate thing in the world. Dean said to choose ones that looked 'good' but he was unsure what that meant.

Suddenly, the shoe slipped out of Cas' tiny hands and, like in slow motion, dropped to the floor. Castiel froze in fear and awe. The shoes were alight and were so beautiful. Red, green and purple lights shone, quick and bright, from it. He decided to sit down next to the awe-inspiring shoe while it was still glowing. He liked these shoes. He liked them very much.

'So Cas, you like 'em?'

The low voice brought Castiel out of his trance and made him jump. He looked up to find a tired looking Dean smiling down at him. Castiel violently shook his head, turning away. He's going to get told off now for following those humans and dropping the shoe. He disappointed Dean. He didn't deserve the beautiful shoes. Dean kneeled down beside the conflicted angel. He moved his head to catch Cas' eye then moved it back so Castiel would follow.

'What'd I say Cas?' No reply, just a nervous gulp and a flicker of watery blue eyes. Dean sighed, more out of sadness than in frustration and somehow that was worse for Castiel. He didn't know why but he didn't want to be the cause of Dean's sadness. 'I said you can have anything you like okay?'

With that Dean grabbed a pair of Cas sized glowing shoes along with a toddler sized Castiel. Cas gasped at the sudden contact but whispered a small 'thank you' into Dean's ear, wrapping his arms around the hunter's neck and leaving Dean a bit surprised.

_Who knew Cas was a hugger? _

Dean searched through his wallet reluctantly. Only $60 to get Cas all his stuff and get both Cas and Sammy dinner. Dean could just about afford it. Just no dinner for him tonight.

**...**

Dean had just finished choosing Castiel's new wardrobe; couple of shirts, few pairs of jeans and, this was Dean's favourite, a small version of Cas' trench coat. How could he not, right? Castiel's old trench coat had no use to him now (nonetheless, it was still kept in the trunk of the Impala) but Dean was determined to keep Cas' signature look. Dean never knew shopping could be this fun. Yes, Dean had to admit, he had a little bit of fun. He certainly couldn't resist buying the jumper which said 'Yes I'm cute. Deal with it' or the top that said 'Daddy's little angel' with an image of a white winged baby angel with a halo on his head (he couldn't stop laughing at that one).

Castiel had no input in his clothes. He was far too focused on making his shoes glow, stomping his feet every step he took along side Dean. Although Dean's hands were full, Cas still managed to grip tightly onto Dean's hand. Dean was surprised at that. He thought Castiel was only close to Gabe at this point but Dean seemed to be growing on Cas which Dean was grateful for. Dean suddenly wondered what it was like for Cas while living up in Heaven at this age. From what Dean had gathered, it didn't seem all that fun and Zachariah was more of a douche bag that he had thought.

Deciding that he managed to get everything Cas needed for now, Dean softly squeezed Cas' hand and headed towards the cashier. They had to walk down an aisle to get to the checkout so Dean took a right down the closest aisle, with Cas toddling along with his new shoes. Dean just couldn't say no when Cas asked if he could wear them straight away. Damn puppy-dog eyes. They got about half way through walking down the aisle when Dean was suddenly yanked to a stop, nearly dropping all the clothes in his hand.

'You alright Cas?...Castiel.'

Dean looked back to check on the angel when there was no reply, only to find that Cas' attention was diverted to something else high up on the shelves. Little did Dean realise that they chose to walk down the toy aisle and Cas has never had a toy before nor has he ever seen one. Castiel's eyes were once again wide and his were fists slightly clenched with a new found excitement. Dean followed Castiel's gaze, stunned at his intense focus, and found himself laughing. It was an angel.

A fluffy, white angel.

_Obviously._

Castiel didn't move as Dean reached up and grabbed the toy but he did gasp as Dean handed it over to him and hugged it tightly, eyes closed with happiness. Again, Dean received a whispered 'thank you' as Cas smiled and looked Dean in the eyes.

There it was.

That was the happiest Dean thinks he's ever seen Castiel; holding a fluffy, white angel and wearing bright, glowing shoes.


	10. Changing Colours

Dean hadn't noticed until they were both sitting in the cafe that Cas was no different to Castiel. The way in which the small child asked the most obvious questions such as 'Why would I want to watch my feet Dean?' after Dean had to catch Cas several times from tripping over (Dean figured that Cas was still getting to use to his little feet or him constantly trying to get his shoes to glow) or the way the kid looked at everything with such focus that it kinda freaked Dean out, just like right now.

'Cas would ya stop that?' Dean irately asked the angel as Cas stared unknowingly at the hunter. Cas shook his head as if trying to come out of some trance and looked down into his lap like a shunned puppy. That almost immediately set off Dean's guilt trip. The kid couldn't stop doing that. It annoyed Dean that after everything that has happened between them, it ends up with Dean feeling guilty. He had enough of it. Why does it always end up with Dean drawing the short straw? But Dean, be damned, knew that he couldn't do or say anything with Castiel in this state. The way Castiel has tucked his chin to his chest in a way reminds Dean of how Sammy got when they were on the road with Dad, eating in the usually empty and cheap diner. When Sammy asked for something too expensive or asked to do something other than hunt, which only resulted in John mouthing off to Sam. The memory suddenly made Dean feel like a shitty parent. He looked over at Castiel and a wave of concern washed over him when he noticed Castiel squeezing his eyes shut, little clenched fists resting on the table in front of him. A list of reasons rushed through Dean's mind but he only came up with one that made any sense.

'Cas'

Castiel's head twitched at the sound of his name but otherwise, there was no reaction. Dean held down a nervous gulp and said in a soother voice 'Hey Cas, are you...are you hearing them again?', not wanting to scare the small angel. Castiel's eyes went wide with shock. _H-How did he know?_ Castiel was so careful not to worry Dean and in extension, Gabriel. Gabriel was busy, he didn't need this. Feeling useless, Castiel gave a small nod and, without catching Dean's eye, moved to look out the window. Dean was left unsettled. Castiel couldn't help but stare at him no matter what the hell was going on and now he hid away every time Dean tried to talk to him? Something wasn't right and Dean hoped it wasn't those SOBs in Cas' head. Dean was about to ask what the feathered dicks were saying when a brunette waitress with a painted, vibrant smile interrupted them.

'Hiya cutie, ' She smiled at Castiel who looked up timidly, while she got out her blue pen and notebook.

Dean noticed a slight blush covering Castiel's cheeks. _Some things never change. _He couldn't help but smile at the fact that a warrior of God can get embarrassed in front of a girl, no matter the circumstances. Dean was suddenly reminded of their time in the 'Den of Iniquity', when Cas blushed in front of Cassidy. _God Cassidy_... That was the one of the best nights Dean had in a while. Just hanging out with a friend. An actual friend who has lasted more than a few years knowing the Winchesters, albeit having died three times already but still. Dean didn't realise he was smiling until the waitress gave a 'You alright hun?' towards Dean. Now it was Dean's turn to blush.

'Yeah..um...I'll have that thanks,' Dean stuttered, embarrassed. He pointed to his usual fry up, not wanting to look her straight in the eye. He did, however, glimpse at how cute she was, which made this all the more embarrassing.

Castiel, all the while, was watching the strange exchange with intense focus and slight confusion. _Why was Dean changing colour? _He didn't know humans could do that. Castiel wondered what other colours they could change into. Again, another reason why he found humans so interesting. The girl hummed while Dean gave his order, happily recommending extras to choose from. It all went over Cas' head. Instead, Castiel was left trying his best not to let the voices in so Dean wouldn't worry. The waitress gave a timid smile and wrote down Dean's order. Then she turned to Cas.

'And what will you have sweetie?' She never stopped smiling. Castiel thought that was nice. He hadn't seen a lot of those in a while. But his own shy smile faltered as he realised he had no idea what the nice lady was talking about. He did noticed how Dean pointed at the piece of card in plastic. Maybe he was supposed to do the same? Castiel hesitantly copied Dean's order without saying a word except for a small 'thank you', leaving the waitress with a bigger smile than before.

'That a weensy bit big for ya?' She glanced over at Dean with a small laugh, Dean returning it with his own light chuckle. Castiel was just confused. The waitress looked at Cas' frown and grabbed his menu and turned it to the kids section, 'Here, maybe you could take a look at this.'

Castiel ended up with a triple stack pancake oozed with a very, very sweet syrup. The excitement bulging out of his eyes was enough to make Dean smile. He was glad he could this with Cas, even though it wasn't quite how he would have imagined it but it felt good to see someone, if it wasn't Sammy, having carefree fun. Plus, Dean wouldn't say this out loud, but it was nice to feel like a dad again.

Castiel watched as Dean checked his phone. He kept doing that in the shop and in the car. _What was a phone for?_ Earth was a strange place but Castiel could see why Gabriel kept talking about it in Heaven and taking the role as the messenger. Castiel really wanted to be a messenger too but Zachariah said that he would make a terrible messenger, he would be better at just following orders. Secretly, he promised himself that he would follow after Gabriel no matter what. Being like Zachariah was boring and he didn't want to be scary.

'What-what were you gonna say Cas?' The anxiety in the question didn't go unnoticed by the fledgling. Castiel focused on Dean, surprised at the sudden, important sounding question. Dean's stare was filled with concern that most people would only see when he was talking about Sam. This took the angel by surprise. He only saw that look on Gabriel and sometimes Balthazar but only when he made a mistake. _Oh._ Maybe he did something wrong though he can't remember Dean being mad. Maybe he shouldn't talk about the voices. Cas really had no idea what Dean was talking about and didn't want to bring up anything that could get him shouted at so they just sat there, staring at each other. Dean sat back in his seat as he realised Castiel was just going to sit there and stare, back to his somewhat normal self. Castiel's hotly served pancakes were ready to eat but the angel gave them no notice and just sat there while Dean went back to eating his meal. He was completely lost. Sammy was hurt, Cas was different and both he and Gabe are back from the dead. What's he supposed to do with that? How's Sam going to react with Castiel back? And why the hell is Gabe bugging them out now?

And how the hell is he going to fix everything in time?

A small cough interrupted Dean from his mental panic attack. He looked up, fork midway to his mouth, to see Castiel staring at him with what Dean thought was slight amusement but the small voice said otherwise.

'W-what other colours can you, can you change into Dean?'

**...**

Obviously, Castiel didn't know how to eat. Knives and Forks were meaningless, straws mindboggling, to the fledgling. Dean had no idea how fledglings ate upstairs or if they ate at all. Cas' grace could just be mixed up with the kid Jimmy's body for all they know._ Creepy_. Concern sank into his gut. Castiel shouldn't need to eat which only shows how vulnerable he actually is, how sharp Dean will need to be. Dean should ask Gabe about that, see what the guy had to say but for now, Dean was left with babysitting duty. So, Dean had to cut up the angel's meal and give him a 'tutorial' which Cas gave his upmost attention to but it also meant that the angel immediately asked questions, typically.

So, all in all, Cas just tried to copy Dean throughout the entire meal.

**...**

God was Dean grateful. They were on their way back from the diner, both full from their delicious meal, and Dean was having a moment of panic when he realised that Cas is going to freak out when he realises that they were on their way back to Sam. However, Cas just swung his short legs back and forth in the front of the Impala, fiddling with his belt, and humming a song Dean had never heard of. Small head must equal small memory. Yep, ignorance is bliss in Dean's opinion. The old Cas wouldn't forget a damn thing, he was like a record book or something.

So they were on their way back to Sam. Just one more thing that Dean could look forward to. He hoped the two would be okay, wouldn't try to kill each other. He lost both of them way too many damn times already. They can freaking deal with their issues and get their asses over it.

Dean wondered if Sam was awake and if he remembered last night. The thought caused an anxious twitch in is finger and a weight in his chest. He took a nervous glance towards Cas. The little angel was sitting quietly with his arms by his side. He didn't want to disturb Dean from his thoughts although it was getting quite hard to listen to his own. The whispers wouldn't stop but he didn't want to tell Dean. That would mean he would tell Gabriel and Cas didn't want to interrupt his big brother. Dean, on the other hand, could tell when something was wrong. It wasn't difficult to tell from a kid. He had a years experience after all with Ben.

'You wanna call Gabe when we get back?' Dean asked without taking his eyes off the road. He was hoping that Gabe would keep Cas happy and Sam at bay but something told the hunter the archangel wasn't going to be available. Gabe had a thing for ditching after all. He really needed to tell Gabe about these SOBs in Cas' head. Then later on, how to deal with the Leviathans. Dean kept forgetting about them since all this crap has been piling onto him.

Castiel shook his head lightly, eyes avoiding the hunter. Dean couldn't help but be a little concerned. 

Dean swore his heartbeat got faster and faster and was pretty sure it was going to explode from his chest as they approached the motel but Dean truly thought his heart was going to stop as they pulled into the motel parking lot. Cas was still silent and looking forwards, looking directly at their motel door. Dean grew anxious at Cas shaking as he pulled the key out of the Impala.

'You ready Cas? Let's get inside and sort out all your stuff. Maybe even call Gabe if you're up to it?'

Dean was literally praying that Sam was still sleeping. Cas nodded and had the hunter undo his seatbelt. It didn't help Dean's nerves as he heard the shakiness of Castiel's breath.

Dean had Castiel stand behind him as he unlocked the door. Although Dean really had no say in how close Cas actually was, grip tight around his leg. Pushing the door open with a small creak and making Dean cringe, they entered. What Dean found inside made his heart sink, Sam's bed was empty and unmade and the radio in the kitchen was on full blast. Dean tightened his grip on the angel and vice versa, making sure he was still behind him.

'You stay behind me Cas, alright? Come out when I say so. Sammy might be a bit loud but it'll be alright.'

Dean could feel Castiel grip his jacket with one hand.

'Hey Sam! Gotcha somethin' to eat so get in here.'

Dean tried his best to keep all the tension and shakiness out of his voice. Hopefully food will put Sam in a good mood, well, it always did with Dean. The music softened and with a snap of his laptop and a scrape of a chair, Sam came walking in. He looked...normal. Normal enough anyway although Sam didn't seem to notice the small body behind his older brother as he went to turn off the TV.

'Hey, found something in Idaho, could be a shape shifter. But I'm pretty sure with the Leviathans running around we should check it out-' Sam froze as he made his way to Dean, seeing a little tan splodge behind his older brother. Dean's eyes closed shut and tightened his grip all the more on Cas. Sam's eyes never left the angel as he spoke.

'Dean, what the hell?' He nudged his head in the direction of Dean's legs, which had tiny hands gripping tightly onto them.

'Sam,' Dean closed the door, ' You remember anything from last night?' He said softly not wanting to unnerve either Sam or Castiel. Sam gave a confused look at the fellow hunter.

'N-no...well yeah kinda...not much but-' Sam stuttered and glanced at Castiel's hands once more.

'Sam. Sam, look at me.' His dad voice never failed. 'You're-you're cured Sammy, you're all fixed up, good as new.' He couldn't help but let out a relieved laugh. No more crazy Sam. But Sam just looked like he thought Dean was the crazy one.

'What?...I-I mean ho-how?' The uncertainty in that made Dean's heart break and he took a step forward.

'You're never gonna freaking believe it but you're number one fan gave us a visit.'

Sam just looked even more confused.

'Gabriel, Sam. The bastard's actually been alive all this time.'

There was a pause. Sam fidgeted on the spot, fearing that this was a joke Lucifer was pulling. But Dean seemed real. Lucifer couldn't make him up, right? It then occurred to him that he hasn't heard from his personal torturer since he woke up.

'Wait...wait. So I'm- so I'm not crazy?' Sam asked, voice breaking at the end.

'Nope, totally 95% sane.'

Sam laughed, not a crazy laugh but an actual relieved laugh.

'Oh my god Dean, but-but where's Gabriel?'

'Is that damn man child really what's on your mind?'

Sam laughed again but Dean was pretty sure he saw him blush. Instead of walking away, Sam walked hesitantly towards Dean, hoping to hug it out even though chick flick moments were totally not cool. That was until he saw a flash a tan and blue eyes. He let out a small gasp.

'No, no, no, no,' Sam let pleading and shocked eyes slide to Dean. 'You-You said that I was, that I was okay. Dean, I-I can see-.'

Dean grabbed Sam's pointed finger at Castiel, trying to calm him down.

'Sam...Sammy, I'm not lying okay? I swear I'm not lying but...but this is real.' Dean edged further in front Cas. 'I'm sorry Sammy, but I couldn't leave him. He's not, he's not all ther-'

'Wait. You wouldn't- no Dean. I-it can't be. That's not Cas. He-he did this to me Dean!-'

'Let me stop ya right there kiddo' Gabriel popped into the room, just beside Sam's bed and let out a laugh as he saw all three of them jump. Sam backed up against the wall, shocked. Dean couldn't blame him, he was crazy a few hours ago and now he's not, but crazy shit is still happening. Mind blower. Gabriel made his way beside Dean, or really , beside Castiel. 'Before you go all crazy on my lil' bro here I just wanted to say that if it wasn't for him calling my sweet little ass, you would still be talking to barbie dolls and singing rainbow songs in the sunshine. So watch your tongue. Oh and I came to make sure that...well, y'know,' He gave a small shrug, 'you're not all woohoo up in there.'

Gabe was suddenly in front of Sam and poked a finger on his head and without warning placed his whole hand across Sam's forehead. Dean called out, pissed off when he told Gabe to warn them next time. Sam desperately fought the urge to throw Gabe off and leg it but he's seen Gabe get agitated and didn't want to be stuck in that situation, over and over and over again. Dean was held still, some angel mojo from what he knew, but Castiel never left his side.

Nodding, Gabe was satisfied, 'Yep, all the wires are plugged back into that noggin of yours. Now,' Gabe took a step closer to Sam with an unnaturally serious expression. 'You better not go all crazy on my lil' bro, you got that Samsquatch?'

Sam didn't hesitate to nod.

'Good' Gabriel nodded, seemingly pleased with Sam's answer, and turned away from the youngest Winchester, happy that he straightened everything out. He looked towards Dean, and Dean rushed through all the things he could've done that would've pissed the archangel off but Gabe just knelt down beside him, facing his very little brother, who came out of his hiding place behind Dean's legs.

'Hey Cassie, you okay?'

Castiel nodded, looking away from everyone.

' I'm sorry I haven't been here. I was trying to help Dean-o here with a case.' Gabriel hated lying to the little bag of feathers. The little tyke had a way of making the archangel feel guilty without even knowing it. But, even though Gabe hated to admit, he kinda missed it.

Castiel nodded and slowly released Dean out of his grip. Dean looked down in surprise, and a bit of jealousy, as Cas snuggled into Gabe's arms. Gabriel, caught off guard at the sudden adoring action of his younger brother, froze to the spot. He hadn't faced this form of affection from anyone since before the Morning Star's fall from Heaven. That's when it went from prancing angels to fighting assholes. In fact, that was the last time he saw Castiel since the Apocalypse. The sudden thought brought a wave of guilt onto the archangel. Cas released his grip on Gabriel and took a few steps back. Now that Gabriel was here, Castiel was safe from the giant human who stood quietly at the back of the room.

'That's okay. I was with Dean and he got me these,' Castiel said quietly, uncomfortable that Sam was staring right at him. Cas held up his right foot to present Gabriel with his new treasure. 'Can I keep them brother, please? Zach and Uriel will be mad but Dean said I can keep them so can I?' _Those damn puppy-dog eyes again. _Gabriel smiled.

'Yeah course ya can bud. But watcha gotta say to Dean-o?'

Dean laughed to himself as Gabriel went into parent mode. Seeing Gabe as a parent is just plain worrying. But Dean had never seen the little angel talk so much since this whole disaster so he must be doing something right. Cas looked up at the hunter.

'Thank you Dean,' he said in his small voice.

Cas held his arms open timidly and Dean found himself in the second hug he had today, with the same angel. _Damn, he's a cute little hugger. Wait, did I just call Cas cute? _This week just keeps getting weirder and weirder. And what was weirder still was that Dean kind of liked the hugging. Over Cas' shoulder, Dean caught Sam's gaze and saw the hurt and confusion that made him feel completely guilty. Then he could feel the hugger start to break away.

Surprisingly, after a pause and a deep breath, Cas turned to face the youngest hunter, who was standing awkwardly in the corner, nerves and anger overwhelming him. Sam froze as he saw the little kid, timidly and slightly fearfully, shuffle towards him. The younger hunter could see Cas' arms held behind his back and even though he was a child, Sam still felt uneasy.

_Who could blame him?_ Dean thought. He did just have his mind jumbled up by more than one angel in less than six months. 

As Cas managed to get arms distance between Sam and him, the younger brother found himself kneeling down. He didn't know why. He didn't really want to talk to the angel who caused him and his brother all this grief but the heavy stare and uneasiness of the powerful, protective, older brother/archangel made Sam think twice.

'Um...Sam-Samwuel' Sam glanced down to find the small angel looking at the ground, shuffling his feet. But that wasn't what made Sam feel slightly guilt. Castiel seemed to have closed into himself, chin tucked into his chest and eyes forced downward. All except his arms. They were outstretched, and in his hands, was a little, white, fluffy angel.

Cas took in an unsteady breath.

'I-I'm s-sorwy' It came out in a whisper.

Suddenly, with no time for Sam to respond, Castiel collapsed into Sam's arms, tears pouring down his face and body shaking. And in that moment, Sam's grief and anger were completely forgotten.


	11. Torn

Castiel fell asleep after his little breakdown, lying and hiding in between the blankets of Dean's bed. Both of the brothers felt like they needed the sleep, the little breakdown making their damaged hearts beat achingly. The overbearing need Dean had to wrap Castiel into a safe embrace was strong, but he held it in as best as he could, sitting back straight beside the angel but glancing at Sam, Dean saw that he looked a hundred times worse.

The least you could say was that Sam was conflicted. He felt major guilt for making a kid break down like that but another voice, a clearer one, reminded Sam that this kid, this _angel,_ was actually Castiel. Castiel, who nearly killed him. Castiel who betrayed Dean as his only close friend aside from himself. The only solid lifeline they had for years broken by over a year full of lies and a demon deal. So he was at war with himself, leaning against the motel wall, but he knew which side was winning. While Sam was deeply brooding, Dean didn't fail to notice Gabriel was unnaturally quiet, standing a few steps away from Sam, which put the Winchester even further on edge. It was becoming a tiring habit.

'Gabe, you wanna tell us somethin'?' Dean urged tiredly, fists rubbing eyes. He was not liking the worried look Gabriel was giving Castiel. The archangel stayed still for a few moments, holding a soldier's stance, and when Dean was about to ask him again in a more forceful tone what the hell was going on, Gabriel suddenly turned to face the brothers, a pissed off and unusually unGabe-like expression on his face.

'Has it not occurred to you knuckleheads yet?' Gabriel glared but Sam and Dean just stared at the archangel, stunned and clueless. Dean eventually thought they were supposed to answer when Gabriel looked at them expectantly, annoyance and worry painting his face. Dean was about to make a smartass comment to the archangel, as you do, when Gabriel spoke up again, shaking his head annoyed.

'I cannot believe you two have got this far with those airheads of yours' Gabriel muttered. He looked up and said in louder voice ' Castiel, hellooo. Why'd you think he said sorry to Samantha over here hmn?'

The Winchesters literally had no idea and Dean really wanted to warn Gabe to keep his damn voice down. He didn't want Cas in this conversation, which was weirdly protective. A nudge from Sam's elbow brought Dean back from his inner ranting. The silence that came with it was pissing him off and Dean was not known for his patience. More for his hunting skills and his love of pie. And Gabriel was keeping him from getting at both. As already mentioned, patience? Not Dean's speciality.

'Get to the point Gabe,' Dean growled.

'Y'know what? Let me spell it out for you. Cas' - memories - are - coming - back. Want me to repeat that? May have been a bit too much for your small knuckleheads to cope with.' Gabriel growled back, taking a step forward.

Silence was left to let that sink in and Dean was left with his confused and dazed thoughts. He glanced at a curled up Castiel, who was sleeping calmly away and wrapped up protectively in his blankets. Come to think it, Dean now realised that Gabriel was right. The voices in Castiel's head may just be him remembering stuff but Dean still needed to make sure no dicks with wings were messing around with him.

_But how bad could Cas remembering be? Wouldn't that come in handy on how to reverse everything?_

'Gabe, man, you're gonna have to help me out here. What's the big deal. Cas remembering, that's good...right?' Dean added quietly, suddenly feeling uncertain as Gabriel let out defeated breath. Dean also noticed Sam's silence.

'If Castiel starts to remember his old self, then wouldn't you think it would seriously freak him out when he's still in this state. Plus, whoever did this wiped his memo for a reason and don't you think him coming back will put them on edge too? They were hiding something Dean, and not a damn surprise party. Something that should scare the shit outta ya and Cassie here found out about it.'

Okay, so Gabriel, the archangel may Dean just add, was superiorly pissed and Dean knew he should at least mention the word 'Leviathans' to give the archangel a heads up but he suddenly shrunk back into himself. Small and desperate whispers begging him to hold back.

'Well, why don't ya just pop him back to Heaven?' Dean argued but Gabriel gave him a cold glare.

'You already know why I can't Dean,' the monotone comment made Dean shrink into himself. So Dean followed Sam's lead, face falling solemnly.

There was another fight to come.

And more than likely, one after that too.

Dean felt a shiver down his spine.

'Well...Shit.'

**...**

They all agreed that once Castiel had woken up not to mention a word in front of the miniature angel of the Lord. Gabriel decided that it was best for him to stick around for a few hours, make sure his little brother was safe with the two Winchesters before he made his way to find some answers, to find a cure or counter spell or whatever. He put up enough sigils to protect all of them from everything, even though Cas' on the boys ribs were enough but Gabriel wanted to make sure they were protected from _everything _while he was away. Dean guessed the trust issues ran both ways. He couldn't exactly blame the archangel for that.

Castiel was in the kitchen with Dean. None of the older brothers wanted to leave their younger brothers with anyone but themselves and who could blame them? Both Cas and Sam's heads were screwed on a little loosely at the moment. Sam was resting in his bed, eyes closed although he claimed he wasn't tired while Gabriel was sitting by Dean's bed, watching Sam intently. The gentle gesture reminded Dean of how Cas used to do that, back in the good old days.

No one said whose little brother the older ones were watching.

' Dean, are you making a spell?' Dean looked down to find Castiel stretching as much as he could over the kitchen top, blue eyes wide while watching Dean 'preparing a spell.'

'What? No Cas, I'm cooking. Y'know, making something to eat.' There was a chuckle in his words at the little angel. Who knew angels were so clueless? But Dean couldn't help but laugh.

Castiel's face lightened up and he took in a breath. 'Are you making the food from the...the' Castiel stuttered with his words, forgetting what it was called, 'the building.'

'Y'mean the restaurant. Nah Cas, I'm not that good, but I do make a mean macaroni cheese.' Dean smiled proudly at the angel.

'M-my friend's mom was making dinner too,' Castiel whispered with wonderment and Dean guessed by the look of shock on his face that Cas let that one slip.

'Friend huh? This friend gotta name?' Dean asked intrigued while he was preparing the cheesy sauce.

'Um...I...I dunno,' Cas mumbled into one of his arms, seemingly unsettled. Dean raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Castiel.

'What y'mean?'

Castiel's eyes turned glassy as he tried to remember his friend's name. The hurt that came with a face without a name made Castiel spill a tear. He didn't know his only human friend's name. Cas' head was hidden from Dean's view, head turned to look at the unclean fridge but by the empty answer, Dean assumed that it was nothing good.

'Hm, well, no worries Cas. I guarantee that I'll top any meal that your friend made. Y'know maybe we could find some time to make some of my pie heaven. Best in the world.' Dean winked at Cas who was now looking up at the hunter.

'Oh...' was all that he said. Castiel seemed to have had lost interest and pulled his arms down from resting on the side. Little did he know that his sleeves were pulled up to his elbows, letting Dean glance at the red raw skin glowing on the inside of the angel's arms.

_This was getting out of hand. _

Suddenly there was a flutter of wings and Gabriel was no longer sitting in his chair. The damn angel was moody, sure, but why did all angels just leave without so much as a goodbye. But anyhow, this was Dean's chance.

'Hey, uh Cas, could you come here a sec?' Castiel paused from the kitchen doorway and turned back towards the hunter with a confused look on his face. He had already pulled down his sleeves.

'Look Cas, I gotta ask you somethin' and you gotta tell me the truth alright?' Dean asked softly and stared straight at Castiel's wide avoiding eyes and for a brief moment, Dean felt like he was back in that wooden shack, holy fire surrounding his old best friend.

'Yes Dean,' the angel said in a small, timid voice. Dean kneeled down in front of the his small, hunched body.

'Okay Cas, not a big deal but what's with the arms man? I told you to quit doing that...' Castiel, shocked and ashamed, looked down at his feet, holding his arms close to his chest. 'Why'd you even start doin' it?'

At first, Dean thought he wasn't going to get a word from the fledgling, leaving him to watch Cas tightly squeeze his eyes shut. That was until he heard a small intake of breath.

'I-I was with the others...and we were training to be b-brave...brave a-angels but Zachariah took me away a-and told me that there was no p-point.' Dean noticed tears falling down the angel's face. He shifted on his feet, suddenly feeling guilty for asking. ' B-but then he said that he could teach me how to not be...so weak...He told me to d-do this so I could be b-better with pain, help my resistwance. But D-dean...' Dean looked up at Cas as the angel's voice broke on his name, his heart aching in his chest at the sight of a defeated, small Castiel. 'I-it still h-hurts.'

Den couldn't help but pull Cas into a tight hug, Cas' small chest breathing hard against his own.

Okay, now Dean was royally pissed. Who the hell did Zachariah think he was? Damn it. God did Dean wish that Zachariah was still alive, just so that he could cram his angel blade into his throat again. He was seething with rage as he got up from where he was kneeling but a small hand grabbed at his t-shirt. Eyes wide with surprise, Dean saw that Cas' were wide with fear.

'What's wrong Cas?'

'P-please don't tell Gabriel. Please Dean.' The boy's voice was all choked up. Dean knelt down beside the angel again, one arm wrapped around him protectively.

'Cas, I dunno. Don't y'think Gabe could help you out?' Dean said through gritted teeth. He needed to control himself. He couldn't let Gabe or even Sam catch onto what they were talking about for the time being. Cas looked near panic as Dean asked. Dean hoped he could persuade the angel but the angel shook his head, eyes pleading.

'N-no please Dean. I-I...' Castiel trailed off, using his sleeves to wipe away the tears as his eyes wandered away from Dean's.

'What Cas?' Dean was in full panic mode but tried to keep his voice soft.

'I d-don't want Gabriel t-to run away again.'

Dean was pissed at too many people today.

**...**

Sam was snoring softly as Dean tucked Cas into his bed, thick blankets covering the shivering angel. Cas was somewhat out of it, mumbling incoherent thoughts as Dean turned off the ceiling light and switched on the bedside lamp, sitting beside the angel. It scared Dean. The amount of times his friends, his family have been put in harm's way. The amount of times they've sacrificed themselves just to protect a lowlife like him. Too many have died; Mom, Dad, Jo, Ellen, Rufus...Bobby. He knew he should consider himself somewhat lucky to have Sammy here with him but how can he when he threw all this shit onto his little brother without so much as a second thought. It was pathetic and cruel.

And Cas.

Castiel was the only light when Dean thought he was drowned in his own personal darkness. He knew it sounded cheesy but during the Big showdown, it was Castiel who kept him in line. It was Castiel who wasn't afraid, or at least didn't let his fear show, when everyone else was fucking shitting themselves while going against the Big timers. He let Cas down too. Dean would never tell Sam but he knew that if he just...offered or asked if the stupid, selfless angel needed help with that Goddamn war then maybe none of this would have happened. Now both of them were sleeping in pain, hatred, fear all because Dean said yes down below. That was what this all came down to, the big 'yes'.

And he said it.

**...**

The fresh saltwater air was refreshing to say the least. The small, light waves were calming as was the unclouded blue sky. Dean would've said he'd been here before but he would've then known he was lying. People like him and his brother never get to go to places such as these. He deeply breathed in the salty air, wishing that someday Sammy would be sitting beside him on the small decking, fishing and laughing with each other.

'Hello Dean.'

The familiar gruff voice caused Dean to look up from his peaceful view of the wide lake, having to turn ever so slightly in his chair. He saw his angel standing beside him in his usual get up; tan trench coat, blue tie, suit and in the vessel of a grown Jimmy Novak.

'Heya Cas'

'You look well,' Castiel said in monotone.

Dean laughed dryly, 'Yeah, certainly don't feel like it... What you doing here anyway?'

'To talk with you, Dean' Cas said in a gentler tone.

'Okay,' Dean started to relax a bit more with his friend's regained presence, 'What you want to talk about? Kinda trying to relax here so try and make whatever it is sound like good news.'

The silence answered his unspoken question.

'...this-this is a dream right?' he asked without looking into the angel's eyes. Castiel sighed, looking out towards the lake.

'I was...I was unsure how to approach you. This dream seemed like a good place,' Castiel smiled shyly. 'You were happy here the last time I saw you.'

'Yeah well, like you said, only a dream.' Dean said gruffly and turned back, facing the calm lake. He didn't like the reason why he wished it wasn't a dream.

'A dream...' Castiel mumbled.

'What?' Dean let out a frustrated sigh and faced the angel once again.

'I don't understand Dean.' Castiel furrowed his brow in confusion and if Dean looked close enough, a hint of panic.

'Don't understand what?'

'This is a dream.'

'Yeah Cas. You're the one who fricking said it was.'

'So...you want me here?' Cas had a unreadable expression on his face.

'Why the hell would I?' Dean growled. What followed was a tension filled silence until Dean began to fidget in uncomfortableness.

'Then...why am I here?' Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean in confusion, but he could've sworn he saw a little hurt there too. He looked away, not wanting to delve further into that train of thought.

'I dunno, a figment of my self-hating imagination. Case solved, ya happy now?' Dean snapped. He didn't miss the way Cas flinched away.

'That-that doesn't make any sense Dean. It is a dream.'

'...I know.' Dean whispered, hating the way he even tried.

Dean thought the following silence would have driven Castiel away but it only brought him closer, the stubborn bastard.

'Dean.' Cas was suddenly sitting in his own deck chair, leaning to face him, 'I...did-did you pray...' He gulped, 'Did you pray for me Dean?' He whispered, looking down at his hands.

Dean hated the way he was right. The first few weeks of the angel's 'death', Dean grieved. He couldn't help but to until Sammy took a turn for the worse. Since then, Dean tried his best to avoid thoughts of Cas at any cost. That was until the small version of Cas popped up. Dean couldn't help but pray in his dreams for his best friend to return. Seeing the little Cas carry so many Cas-like traits. it was hard for Dean not to be reminded of the only real best friend he had. Besides Sam. After all, no one can really control what goes on in their dreams. At least, that what Dean tells himself.

It didn't stop him going defensive though.

'The hell I would Cas!' Dean snapped after a few delayed seconds, 'You-you hurt Sammy, you spineless sonuvabitch and-and you betrayed -' Dean cut short but by the flinch Cas made, they both caught the unsaid _me_. Castiel pulled himself away but sat still in his seat. Dean was eager to jump off his and damn well wake up... but he couldn't bring himself to.

'I...I know an apology would be futile but I need you to know before...I need you to know, Dean, how sorry-'

'Don't Cas,' Dean's voice broke, 'Just don't.'

The silence was deafening.

'...It's not your fault Dean.'

Dean's eyes widened a fraction, '...What? I don't think-.'

'Dean. I may be powerless but I am still your friend, no matter how you feel I refuse to let you take this guilt... It is mine and mine alone. Understand that.' Cas' voice grew softer with each word.

Dean couldn't have this conversation now.

'Before what?' Dean asked as soon as Castiel began to open his mouth, which only resulted with Cas looking confused and tired.

'Before what, Dean?' Cas sighed.

'You said I needed to know before something. What?' The way Castiel shook his head and looked away was anything but comforting.

'That is irrelevant,' the way Castiel used his 'back off' voice made Dean think otherwise about pushing further, worrying about Cas making a beeline to the exit so he changed the subject.

'How the hell could I pray for you anyway? You-you're sleeping in my bed, you're not really here Cas' Dean almost whispered, seeing the relief in Cas for avoiding whatever it was he was hiding and he caught the small tug on Castiel's lips.

'Yes...I mean- Dean I don't really know what's happening. I just - I felt a pull and I let it take me. Part of my original Grace must still be alive and you called and...but I... I don't remember much from after the Lev-' He took a sharp intake of breath and looked away, ashamed.

'So you don't know what's going on out there?'

'No. My grace was reverted but it is still my grace. I may not have the memories but I still feel- recognise things, people,' Castiel started to nervously fidget with his fingers.

'So...if this is really you,' God was Dean hoping, 'then you won't remember this...' Dean waved his hands around, the words a pain in ass to get out.

'I'm sorry Dean. My original grace and reverted grace are, in a way you would understand, are separated by whatever spell the...Leviathans put on me. In a sense, I am more like a ghost until the spell is reversed. I cannot exist unless I am here.'

'Huh...Gabe said you started to remember things, like saying sorry to Sam,' Dean said in a slightly more forceful tone than intended. Castiel looked up sharply, panic and fear in his eyes which surprised the hunter.

'I-I meant what I said in that case, Dean. I do not think I can express my regret and guilt for what I did in just words,' Castiel looked straight at Dean this time, intense emotion riveting within his eyes. ' Once I return to my original state, I will do _anything_, Dean, to make it up to both of you.'

Dean looked straight back, emotion as intense and fierce and said in a strained voice, 'I...I don't think that's gonna cut it Cas.'

Castiel breathed in sharply, turning his face away from Dean. 'I understand...but still, I will find a way to regain your trust.' Castiel looked back with hesitation that matched a scared kid. ' I promise Dean.'

He didn't know what to say.

_Screw you Cas! You did this. You broke Sam. You left me! Why the hell should you get what you want when we went through so much shit because of you! _

But he couldn't say those words. He couldn't. It was all held back by the soft images of him and Cas laughing, by violent images of him saving Cas but mostly the other way round, by heart breaking images of Cas dying too often, by the way Castiel looked so heart broken when Dean walked away that night.

So all he said was, 'Okay Cas.'

'...Do you- Do you wish to 'hang out' now?' Castiel seemed so nervous his voice was shaking but Dean couldn't help but miss him when he used air quotations when in such a state. Cas wouldn't look him in the eye, afraid of seeing anger, hatred, disgust at him asking such a question, but he needed to talk to Dean. It has been a while since his good and probably best friend hasn't pushed him away, fought against him.

Cas was violently surprised when Dean offered him a beer that appeared out of nowhere.

'Sure.'

Castiel couldn't keep the smile from his face.

'Thank you Dean,' Castiel took the can with straining control of his shaking hands and leaned back on his chair. Dean settled back in his chair, alongside his old friend, and watched the lake peacefully.

He didn't ignore the way Castiel's knuckles were pale white on the armrests of his chair or the way he kept twitching his head away from Dean, head tilted, listening.

**...**

Dean woke up to a throat tearing scream.

'N-no, I-I...Go..NO!,' Castiel screamed before he tumbled out of his blankets, eyes almost black with his engulfing pupils.

'Hey Cas, Cas!,' Dean mumbled over his words as he tried to calm the angel down, battling heavy eyelids at the same time, ' C-Cas, it's okay.' Dean wrapped his arms around the angel in a protective embrace, both hands covering Cas' head, trying to prevent him from harming himself, all the while whispering soft comfort in his ear; 'It's okay Cas. it's okay. You're alright I promise.'

It took about twenty minutes to calm Castiel down enough for Dean to release his death grip on the angel and he was just thankful that the screaming hadn't managed to disrupt Sam's very much needed sleep. He was still tucked into the covers, facing away from the crying angel and pale white hunter. Castiel was still making soft whimpers, subconsciously threading his fingers through Dean's short hair.

'It's alright Cas. You're alright.'

Castiel hummed into Dean's shoulder.

'Cas' Dean whispered, '...Cas, you gotta tell me okay? I promise I'll take care of you but you gotta tell me...Please.' Dean added as Castiel pulled away and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

'I c-can't...they said they would...' Cas let out another sob and shoved his head into the crook of Dean's neck. The hope that it was all just a dream was shattered.

'Who Cas?...Please you gotta tell me,' Dean urged gently.

Cas sobbed again, mumbling something into Dean's shoulder. Dean winced, feeling sick thinking about what could've caused such a reaction from the small angel.

'The-they told me Dean,' Castiel's voice broke at Dean's name, 'I..I h-hurt Sam, Dean. I hurt everyone. I-I didn't mean to. I just, I just-' A sob wracked his throat and his grip tightened on Dean's shirt. 'M'so s-sorwy'

'Wh-Who told you Cas?... It's okay, all you have to do is give me a name and I can stop this. I'll make the voices go away,' Dean was at the verge of begging. He didn't know whether it was those damn memories flooding back or if those SOB with wings were messing around with Cas' head but either way, it was going to stop.

Castiel shook his head softly, 'Not just voices,' he whispered, 'Pic-pictures. I...I saw Sam a-and you and you were mad at m-me and I was-I was scared-'

'Cas I'm not angry at you, okay?' Dean soothed.

'They said you would say that,' it was barely audible but Dean caught it.

'I mean it,' Dean said with enough determination for Castiel to look up.

'I tr-tried Dean,' innocent wide eyes were filled with sorrow, 'I tried to stop the monsters but I...but I-' Another heart breaking sob wracked through Cas' tiny body, causing Dean to tighten his hold on the angel.

'Then I was in the water and they...'Castiel paused, trying to control his deep, painful breathing, 'th-they were all around me and I couldn't...'

Castiel tucked his head underneath Dean's chin and cried.

'The-they said they were m-my friends Dean but they're not,' Cas whispered, 'they said they were coming... They wa-wanna see me again but...but I said n-no.' Castiel began to shake in Dean's arms.

A heavy weight dropped in Dean's chest.

'They want to see you again? H-how? I mean, can't they just poof up anywhere?'

Castiel gave a quizzical look underneath all the tear stains on his cheeks. 'They-they're not angels Dean.'

**...**

Castiel drifted off in Dean's arms.

Dean, stuck in this position but not really wanting to move, gradually feel asleep alongside the angel. He was hoping his old friend would visit on the lakeside once again, feeling a worrisome clench in his chest every time he looked at Castiel.

But both were completely unaware of the younger Winchester, who was listening to every word.

* * *

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**I love this fandom ;)**


	12. Sleeping Angel

There was no lakeside. There was no sun or cloudless skies. There was no fresh water alongside a salty breeze. And there was no Dean's angel. He would have remembered.

Dean woke to a sliver of sunshine peering through the crack of the curtains, eyes blurring and burning from the sudden light. Dean was sitting awkwardly on the deceivingly uncomfortable chair while Cas was snoring softly against him. He didn't have the heart to move him nor did he feel he had the strength to face the tears or the missing warmth. He stayed there for a few moments, enjoying the peace of Cas' rhythmic and even breaths and the sight of his little brother having a moments peace in sleep.

Dean's noticed a huge improvement in his brother since Gabe's little, weird angel mojo act. Sam hasn't moaned in his sleep, hasn't woken up in frightened gasps and he hasn't mumbled to someone who wasn't there. He was, dare Dean say it, fine. He was okay and Dean would take what he could get and ask for no more. Sammy was okay and that was all that he wanted, all that he prayed for actually.

The thought of praying brought up the memory of his dream. Not the empty one from last night but the one before Cas' really fricking scary revelation (he'll get to that later when Gabe shows his feathery ass). Dean never knew how much he missed Cas, the real Castiel, so damn much. A little voice in his mind shunned him, cursed at him, reminded him that Cas hurt Sam, he betrayed him, he got Bobby killed. But a louder, clearer voice drummed into him that this was _Cas._ The stupid ass angel of the lord who got himself killed God knows how many times for him.

So now Dean was left wondering, worrying what the hell he was doing and how the hell was he going to take it from here. Sam was okay, sure, but how long would that last? Plus, how long would Cas be able to stay here with Sam? Dean knew Sam was handling it the best he could, maybe trying to deal with the little guilt trip Cas pulled the other day but he knew his little brother inside out and knows that Sam was acting out. Cas hasn't dug himself into Sam's heart just yet, which they both so desperately needed. He couldn't be pissed at Sam, but the amount of times he brushed off Cas without so much as a glance towards the angel or ignored Cas' questions or the cold stares directed at Cas' back didn't sit right with Dean. He understood, he really did, but at this point in time Cas was just a kid, even if Sam didn't know about Cas' current dream hiking situation, he had no reason to act so coldly towards him. Dean felt a little guilty about the sudden change of heart but he couldn't help but remember how good it felt to have the old Cas back beside him. So it worried him even more when the little angel woke up screaming last night, claiming that the fledgling's bogeyman was out after him. The sudden thought of someone or something getting their mottled hands all over Cas sent Dean's heart sinking into his stomach. He really didn't want to think any deeper about the reason.

Dean softened his grip on the sleeping angel, hoping to keep him asleep for what was going to come next. He lifted Castiel, head tucked underneath Dean's chin, and settled him gently onto Dean's bed which was basically Cas' anyway. Tucking him inside the covers and noticing how little of the blanket completely covered him up to his chin , which was just a heart wrenching reminder of how small and vulnerable Cas was and how easy it would be for the Leviathan to hurt him.

He needed to call Gabe.

Like right the hell now.

Dean took a deep breath in, preparing himself for what probably would be a hellstorm of a conversation. He stood up slowly and walked away from the bed, trying his best to be quiet. Closing his eyes, he whispered in a gruff and tired voice; 'Hey Gabe, need you down here.'

When he opened his eyes after a brief moment and found nothing, he closed them again, sucked in a breath and whispered through gritted teeth; 'Come on man, it's about Cas.'

When he opened his eyes once again, finding nothing but two snoring bodies, unconscious on their beds, he whispered-shouted 'Dear archassangel Gabriel, please may you get your feathery ass down here pronto.'

'Gosh Dean, what got your pink frilly panties in a twist?'

Dean whirled around at the sudden presence, noting the cockiness in angel's tone. He wanted to punch the angel in the face already, only just reigning in his anger. Gabriel was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, head tilted to the side, wearing that typical smirk.

'You were watching weren't you?' Dean sighed. Gabriel giggled quietly.

'Course I was, swooped in when you were drooling and Cassie was snoring...What?' Gabe scoffed when Dean silently glared, 'You think I was gonna miss out on your cuddlefest? Puh-lease.' Gabriel waved his hand as he spoke and straightened himself up when he noticed Sam's sleeping form.

'Looks like the BFG is doing mighty fine,' Gabriel looked up at Dean and smiled proudly. He couldn't help but lift the corner of his lips ever so slightly. Yeah, Sam was doing alright.

'Yeah, about that Gabe. Look, I, uh, just wanna say tha-'

'No need for another feminita talk Dean-o.' Gabe winked, walking past the hunter and sat in Dean's chair next to Cas. He watched Cas sleep for a few moments, counting the number of times his little chest rose and fell. Dean couldn't help but think of an older Castiel sitting beside him while he slept and shrugged. Must be an angel thing.

And Dean missed it.

'How has he been?' The timidness and uncertainty of the question completely shocked Dean. He was hoping he didn't have to explain, but like Gabe said, he swooped in too late to see the state Cas was in.

'I-uh, he's doing,' Dean sighed, '...Not good Gabe.'

Gabriel's brow furrowed in confusion and concern.

'Why? What happened?' Dean watched as Gabe's hand reached for his brother's, almost subconsciously, while he frowned at the hunter.

'He had a nightmare' Dean blurted out, hoping to get this over with. Gabriel just looked even more confused.

Gabriel scoffed, 'Nightmare? Dean-o hate to break it to ya but he's faced a lot worse than a damn nightmare.'

'Wait, no...no Gabe there's more to it,' Dean sighed once more. He internally wished he had told Gabriel sooner, maybe then the Leviathans couldn't have reached Cas' mind in the first place. The silence that followed alerted Dean to Gabriel's wary interest.

'Well?'

'He...He had a nightmare...but it wasn't exactly a nightmare,' God Dean was crap at explaining things without upsetting an archangel.

'Stop beating around the bush Dean and spit it out,' Gabriel growled quietly.

'It was them. The Leviathans.'

Gabriel was right in front of his face in less than a second.

'What?'

'T-they were talking to him. Said they were on their way to take him,' Dean gulped, intentionally looking away to avoid Gabriel's rage filled eyes.

'Why would those abominations want anything to do with Castiel?' Gabriel seethed. Dean didn't like the way 'abomination' brought up his memory of Cas getting his ass kicked in his creepy ass dream.

'Gabe, look. Just don't go all-'

'Just tell me Dean!' Gabe shouted, voice shielded from waking the others. Dean was pretty sure there wasn't thunder and lightning a minute ago.

Dean broke while looking at the flickering lights outside, 'They did it! Okay? Those fucking monsters did this to Cas an-'

'You never mentioned anything about my brother being attacked by the Leviathan,' Gabriel growled in a low voice. Shit.

Dean froze. 'W-what?'

Gabriel took a threatening step forwards, looking Dean straight in the eye. 'You knew this whole time what did this to him? You had me chase pointless leads for Sammy's emotional rollercoaster while my brother is trapped, scarred and hunted?,' he seethed as Dean flinched his use of Sam's nickname. 'You lied you stupid worthless piece of-' Gabriel paused and laughed heartlessly, not even close to reaching his eyes. 'I gotta tell you Dean, I didn't think you were this-this fucking stupid to hide something like this.'

' Gabe, It's not what you thi-' Dean couldn't finish as the sudden light burnt his eyes, the cold, crisp air tingling his skin while he was slammed against the Impala's door. He let out a gasp as a fierce burn riveted through his back, while thick rain drops smothered his face.

'I haven't smited in a few hours Dean.' Gabriel growled his name as he came face to face with the hunter, meaning it as a threat and Dean knew he wasn't bluffing.

'W-wait Gabe. I just-I just needed...' Pain swallowed his entire spine.

'You needed to what? Gabriel spat impatiently.

'I needed Sam to... agh God Gabe, couldn't you've thrown me against somethin' softer?'

Gabriel only glared in response.

'Alright, alright, Dammit. I just needed Sam to...to y'know get over Cas, get some closure or somethin'... '

When he received no response, Dean sighed and continued.

'He was bad Gabe, like, real bad. He couldn't even sleep 'cause Cas and all the hell crap was scaring the shit outta him...I just-I needed Sammy to be alright and Cas was going to hand that to him. I just needed a little more time with Cas like this to help Sammy get over every-everything... I'm sorry Gabe.' He gasped his last words as the burning spiralled up his back.

After a few moments of silence, apart from the patter of rain, and intense pain, Dean suddenly felt a soft press on his forehead and the engulfing flames of pain dissipated, his hair and clothes dry once again. He let out a breath in relief and looked up at Gabriel, whose eyes had fractionally softened, while finding them both back in the dryness of his motel room.

'That better be the damn reason Dean-o, you stupid asshole, you could've got him killed,' Gabe sighed, 'You're lucky I like your flabby ass enough not to send you to the bottom of my fav volcano.' And Dean wasn't sure if that was an actual joke. He wouldn't put it past Gabe to actually take up on it though. 'And listen Dean, I don't care what you do as long as my lil' bro is good but don't you dare put him second to anyone,' he said all too seriously.

'Got it Gabe...and we don't.' Dean said earnestly while Gabriel backed off slightly but as Gabe turned to walk back into the kitchen, he paused and turned his head to catch his eye.

'Don't keep things away from me again... We clear?' Gabriel lowered his voice in a way Dean couldn't deny scared the shit out of him.

'Crystal'

**...**

Both older brothers were in the kitchen while the others slept. Apparently, neither little brother heard the 'heated conversation' inside or out thanks to Gabe, so Dean could finally strategise a way to get out of this Leviathanal mess.

'Please tell me you know something about them,' Dean sighed as he drew out the cracked plastic chair from under the too tall table while Gabe sat on top of the counter, typically sucking a lollipop.

'Well...I remember big brother Micky having a bitch fight with one of the older members of their little frenzy on Dad's behalf. They pissed him off bad, killing others for the hell of it, denying faith, peace yadda yadda yadda. They even killed a couple of us. I hated them but Dad tried to save them. In the end, they were too assholish to even try. The scribe, a fucking suck-up dick if you ask me, wrote down the spell Dad used to lock 'em up. Took a lot of Grace to plug 'em up but it was one helluva relief when Purgatory was made and they were gone.'

'Shit...they can kill angels?' Dean let out a strained breath.

'If they can do that to Cas and hold him down _and_ were strong enough to hold up against Dad, don't you think they can kill us?'

Dean did remember the Leviathan laughing away as they told him his angel was gone. He didn't need the reminder of what that felt like.

'You know the spell?' Dean asked, changing the subject. He still had a little bit of hope, if that helped at all but the silence that followed left Dean feeling uneasy.

'Gabe? You know a spell?' Dean sighed frustratingly as Gabe shook his head and glanced away before jumping from the counter, lollipop in hand, and pausing at the bedroom door.

'Dean-'

God Dean could laugh.

'No Gabe, you just gave me crap 'bout not having Cas at number one and if you know a damn spell then-'

'NO DEAN!' The sheer volume of Gabriel's voice shook everything Dean could see, silencing him. He didn't need to ask to know that the others were still sleeping peacefully. Dean drew up all the nerves he had and got up from his seat to stand in front of the counter where Gabe sat. He just hoped that Gabe wouldn't smite him for getting too close.

'Why not?' Dean asked as he caught Gabriel's hesitant gaze. He tried his best not to sound too offensive and a little intimidated but he couldn't help but flinch at the crack in his voice, 'Gabe, why the hell not?'

'We...' Gabe paused, looking Dean straight in the eye, 'We have to cure Cas before we lock 'em up otherwise he stays like that forever. It'll make 'em weaker too, break the link and it'll be easier to throw them back into Purgatory. But we need the blood of the Leviathan to cure him so if we get rid of 'em before Cas, then he's stuck and we can't do squat so...' Gabriel asked in a completely opposite tone to just prior, stunting Dean for moment, and leaving him uncertain.

'Gabe-' Dean said softly, still alert.

Gabriel peered up at the ceiling, but due to the unfocused gaze, Dean guessed he saw much more than that. 'If we sacrifice a soul, and use the blood and spell needed with it, it will counteract whatever they did on Cas. The power of the soul will burn their mark on him that the spell caused, and break their link to this world. They'll be weaker without him. Then I'll be able to use Dad's spell and send 'em back to Purgatory and Cas will be Castiel again.'

Dean backed up as Gabriel jumped off the counter to stand and walk over to the doorway to the bedroom, all the while attempting to process what Gabriel was trying to tell him.

'Okay...okay but why'd they make him miniature if all they had to do was mark him to stay here?'

Gabriel turned away from Cas and Sam's sleeping forms and faced Dean with burdened eyes, 'I don't know, Dean. I'm not they fricking stalker.'

'Right. Sorry,' Dean hesitated,' So what do we need?'

Gabe scoffed, 'Cassie would kill me for telling you.'

Dean glared, 'I don't care. You _told_me this much. Just tell me the rest and let's get it over with.'

Gabriel was silent, clearly debating with himself

'Gabe,' Dean growled as he heard a rumbling snore echo through the doorway.

'Yeah alright,' the angel shook his head, 'but if Cas so much as looks at me the wrong way, don't think I'm not gonna say you blackmailed my ass.'

'Fine. Whatever. We need just any soul?'

'A human...pure soul,' Gabriel's voice dropped in volume, almost as though scared that Cas would hear.

'Who qualifies?'

Gabriel sighed, growing annoyed at Dean's impatience and intensity, and met his eyes.

'Gabe,' Dean growled as he moved forward, 'Who qualifies?'

'Any soul which has been purified by Heaven.'

Shit. He already knew how this was going to end but, helplessly, Dean gathered himself and continued.

'Why does it have to be purified?' Dean's voice betrayed him.

Gabriel gave him a pained look before, 'They burn the brightest.'

Dean swallowed a lump in his throat. 'So...what? I have to do it?'

'Castiel brought you back from perdition and, yes, he purified your soul. He was the one to rescue you, so he insisted he would finish forming your return. Stubborn bastard wouldn't let you go.'

That was news to Dean. He never really heard much from Cas' time up in Heaven and the guilt that came with knowing he didn't even think to ask about it hurt, but knowing Cas fought for him before Dean even formally met him sent a jolt of warmth through him.

'So me,' Dean said bluntly, desperately trying to block out emotions which would compromise saving Cas.

_Cas saved me. I'm gonna save him. _

'There are a few others but I-'

'No, we're not bringing others into this,' Dean said determinedly yet shakily. Especially Sam, now that Gabriel wiped the hell cage scars free from his soul, Dean guessed Sam classed as sacrificial as well. But there was no hesitation in pushing Sam aside in this, it never came down to Sam yet It always came down to this, didn't it? 'So how does it work?'

Gabriel continued to pull a worrying face and said in a weary tone, 'I know a witch for Cassie's spell but Dad's...It was, like, millions of years ago and the scribe still has the tablet for the Leviathans so I'm gonna have to dig around for the guy,' Gabe paused and took in a breath, 'But, you could die, or something else could leave you squirming. It's an old spell. And it's a big choice. It'll take me awhile to gather what I need. Make your mind up by then.' Gabriel suddenly flickered next to a sleeping Cas and said, 'Don't get him into trouble or I'll burn your ass,' before he flew away.

**...**

The other two woke up around ten knowing none the wiser. Gabriel returned with a lead, the Scribe was last seen somewhere in some random city in Russia, apparently looking for some ancient book about long lost and extremely rare tales, whatever the hell that means. While Cas was awake and Sam wary of Dean's sudden restlessness, Gabriel took the hint to let the sacrifice issue lay low until further notice. In any case, Gabriel continued to search secretly and Sam and Cas were unaware of the weight on their brother's shoulders. Cas was teary, sensitive and a little on edge but no one could blame him. Leviathans could be around the corner at any moment and Dean wasn't going to raise the issue. He needed to give Sam the heads up about Gabriel's plan and he was going to as soon as Cas was safely unconscious in bed but he did let Sam know the Leviathans were tracking them but he carefully avoided the solution of the whole thing. Sam didn;t ask too many questions to Dean's relief. That can wait for another day. Today, Cas was especially clingy towards Dean, always there by his side during everything and Dean means _everything_. God, don't get him started but he knew how it was. So he let the little angel follow.

Sam was good still. No weird freak outs since Cas' return. Before they woke, Gabriel gave Dean the guilty reminder that Dean kept vital secrets from him to help Sam overcome his hatred for Castiel and yet nothing has changed, but now Dean wasn't so sure. He wasn't sure if he was imagining it but Sam was becoming a little more tolerable to Castiel's presence today. If the angel couldn't reach his drink or the TV remote but Dean was too busy cooking, Sam (without hesitation) would get up and help and ask if he needed anything else instead of completely ignoring Cas' struggles and telling him to keep it down, so Dean must have done something right, or maybe Cas was sneakier than they all thought and crept into Sam's heart faster than expected.

All in all, it was a normal day, apart from the high alert for Leviathans and Gabriel's fussiness over Castiel which included the dirty looks he would target at Sam if Castiel flinched at the smallest of contact between the two. That was one of the reasons Dean had Cas trailing after him. After all, forgiveness worked both ways and they both had work to get through, both needed to rebuild the trust they lost.

Sam mostly researched how to kill the Leviathans and stockpiled cleaning products that contained Borax while Gabriel watched over Castiel with Dean. It was the most Dean had experienced to a normal day for a long time but it was far from perfect. Perfect would be getting Cas back to Castiel and not having to keep his guard up, preventing him from truly relaxing. They hardly went out, except for Gabe getting what they needed for research and food. They couldn't risk the chance of being seen and not just by Leviathans. Not with Castiel and Sam in the states they were in. Dean cooked that night, burgers and fries which Cas adored. He liked cheese with his while, to Dean's surprise, Sam actually ate with them. It felt good.

Sam and Cas were too exhausted to keep their eyes open no longer past ten, so Gabe and Dean were able to sort out a plan which was basically searching for the spells. Gabriel flew off at around midnight, searching for the witch to cure Cas and hopefully find something about the scribe he mentioned. Dean couldn't fall asleep until around three and he really needed some shut eye. He was on edge, with Sam's recent recovery, Cas' 'resurrection' and Leviathans hunting their asses. Dean couldn't keep the adrenaline from pumping through his veins and his hand from twitching with the need to hold something sharp and deadly. The one time he was out of his depth and he actually acknowledged it, was the one time an allied archangel flew off to find some fricking scribe.

Of course, Dean was just trying to distract himself from the biggie. Another sacrifice he signed himself up to. How can he not? He wouldn't have someone else dying for their dumbass mistakes nor will he allow the Leviathan to wonder around freely. Plus, he could get his Cas back. It's a win win, if they just ignore the price. The last time he willingly tried to give himself up, the only person who wasn't afraid to get Dean to listen was Castiel. The irony. Cas was wearing the same pissed off, deadly face as the last time.

Damn, sleep took him out fast.

'What the hell were you thinking Dean?!' Cas fumed while he was pacing underneath the starred sky of the field. Dean just stood there, having no idea how to answer while he recognised where they were. He wondered if Cas brought this memory up or if Dean was really that eager to relive this night with Sammy one more time before time's up.

'I don't know what you're talking about Cas, need you to be a little clearer,' Dean said distractedly as he peered past the surrounding trees, waiting for the fireworks to paint the dull night sky. He couldn't help but hope this conversation would last long enough for him to show Cas. It would probably be the first one the angel ever saw.

'I'm not oblivious, Dean. I saw as soon as you fell asleep what you are about to do.'

'Yeah well, better me than anyone else. Sammy's is as good as, you'll be fine after this, the world will be safe and Gabe will go back to sucking lollipops and making porn movies.'

'This is not something to be taken lightly. We don't know what will happen to you. The curse marked my Grace. I'm tainted and whatever I'm tainted with will scorch itself onto your soul. It's dark magic, Dean, I'm linked to them, and if what I can remember is correct, you'll become a perfect soul for hell to take. You'd be branded.'

'A little late to worry 'bout that Cas, ain't it?' Dean said with a hint of sarcasm, while his voice mostly shook. Cas wasn't making this any easier. The angel caught onto Dean's watery gaze with disbelief.

'This isn't some cycle Dean! I'm not going to convince you every time you are anywhere near damned that you are always deserving of peace, of being saved. I sacrificed everything for you, I died more times than should be even possible and you're telling me that you are willing to give everything that I have done for you up, for my life? How is that fair?'

'That's the point Cas! You died for me and Sam, twice!, and you're stuck like this. Tell me, how's that fair?' Dean growled.

'This my penance, Dean,' Cas growled back. 'Perhaps I deserve more than a slight vessel malfunction but I do not need allowing you to die on my long list of mistakes. This is and should be _my_ choice and I choose this Dean'

'Yeah, okay...then this is mine,' Dean said as he glanced back up at the sky. It was darker than he remembered.

Silence brought him back to facing the angel, his face pure disbelief and anger. Cas was still, looking down at the grass and said in a quiet voice, 'Dammit Dean. I would never have asked anyone for this. Why on God's name would you believe I would allow _you_ of all people?' Cas started pacing again, noticeably trying to avoid Dean's gaze.

'Allow?' Dean scoffed, 'Well I'll be damned. Someone thinks a lot of themselves.'

'You know what I mean, Dean,' Cas said quietly.

'No, Cas, I don't know. You think you're the only one with a damn choice. Well, open your eyes. This is mine and I ain't changing it.'

'The spell can be done without a sacrifice. It can be done without my linking with the Leviathans needing to be destroyed.'

'Then why would Gabe even bring it up?!' Dean shouted, only to reign himself in when he realised he was the only one raising his voice.

'It would be easier, I must admit but I know them Dean,' Cas looked directly at Dean, eyes pleading, 'they fear me knowing and they fear you and your brother's capabilities. All you have to do is destroy their leader, without anyone sacrificing themselves. Gabriel is unaware of this. Please Dean, don't give yourself up for this. After my mistake.'

'What will happen to you, if we manage to kill 'em without breaking the spell?'

'I will be here'

Dean sighed, 'Not what I mean, Cas.'

'I will stay here. The Leviathans will be gone and you will be safe. This is the best outcome that could possibly take place so, please Dean, just take it.'

Dean nodded unconvincingly, looking away to the surrounding trees.

Castiel sighed, 'Dean-'

'That why they're after you? 'Cause you know all this?'

Castiel nodded. 'That is the only realistic reason.'

Then Dean remembered something and he directed his pissed of glare back towards the angel.

'Dammit Cas. Is that the thing you wouldn't tell me about when we last talked? When you said before somethin'. You knew all this time that they were hunting you.'

'I'm sorry Dean, at the time other things were deemed more important but you need to listen-'

'I don't think sharing a beer and chilling by the lake is more important, dammit.'

'Dean, just listen! You need to kill the Leviathan in charge. Will you do this?' Castiel asked pleadingly.

When Dean held back his response, Cas reluctantly continued, 'and if...', he hesitated, 'and if what I told you is incorrect, then you must break the link Dean. Without your sacrifice.' Castiel moved closer to catch Dean's gaze and Dean couldn't help but get caught in the angel's pleading eyes. 'You must destroy it.'

It didn't take too long for Dean to understand.

Hell no.

'Hang on a sec Cas, you can't-'

'There will be no other way, Dean.'

Dean couldn't hold it in, 'Yeah. That's what you said the last time and look where that got us.'

Castiel looked away, regret and hurt burnt fiercely behind blue eyes, 'I...I thought I was doing the right thing.'

'Yeah you always do,' Dean looked away too, anger melting away any sense of reason.

He wished he didn't hear the pained gasp as Castiel broke their gaze.

'Dean I-' Cas' voice broke, hurt and shame written all over his face, 'I never intended to hurt either of you. I tried, Dean...I tried to-' and his voice completely faltered. It broke Dean, seeing the complete breakdown of Castiel's stoic shell and knowing too well what Cas was about to say. He fought the bastards that shared his body, he begged them to stop tormenting him with orders, with threats he couldn't take (although Dean never knew what exactly they said to get Cas to hurt those people) and to stop controlling him. He died trying. The angel stood there rigidly, looking down at his feet in pained silence until he once again found his voice, still avoiding Dean's regretful gaze. 'T-tell Gabriel what I know. I...I'm sorry Dean.'

Then he flew away.

The hunter couldn't help but curse when the first firework broke out into the blank canvas of the sky, illuminating the empty space where Castiel once stood, wishing that he could've held onto his angel for a moment longer.


End file.
